the tapping of Angels

A Visit from Wisdom

an excerpt from Kahil Gibran

In the stillness of night Wisdom came and stood
by my bed. She gazed upon me like a tender mother
and wiped away my tears, and said : "I have heard
the cry of your spirit and I am come to comfort it.
Open your heart to me and I shall fill it with light.
Ask of me and I shall show you the way of truth."

There was the first time she was aware of the gentle feather-like hand resting on heart.  Her mind was a buzz with questions, apprehension.  Slowly though, the mind quieted with a Shhh,  and all her attention settled in her heart beat, then her breath, and soon she was in the place of not really awake and not really asleep.  Upon 'waking', a lightness self remained.

This was the first though certainly not to be the last visit. She could never predict nor could she invite in the presence of the feather-like hands. Yet, as she honed her inner listening, she could hear the beckoning.  Into the inner sanctuary she would drop, resting into the in-between.  She would receive, with wonderment and gratitude. 

There is a tapping at her heart when it begins to go astray.  The tapping calls to her from within.  She knows it well.  It is a welling up of reminders that the jewel she truly seeks is within.  That she must rest in the within to remain whole in the without.  She is one of our times Modern Mystics, Urban Shamans, an Illuminating Priestess. 

She heeds the tapping and returns into the sacred sanctuary of her heart, into sacred space and surrenders.Some experience the presence of angels, some feel the guidance is of the elder's. Others experience the dancing of devi's.  It is in the surrendering, that those 'guides' that can't be seen by our mortal eyes, enter into her sight and into her heart. They bring a healing that only they can gift. They clear her lens of true seeing.  They usher her on journeys that leave only a vague resonance. They whisper wisdom that lodges beneath the mind. She sees them gathered around her, she receives their healing touch, she hears their melodies, she feels her heart burst.  There are blessings delivered, and yet, just when they are integrated into her deep knowing, is often a mystery even to her.

 She does not go into the world alone.  She does not bring her gifts of her own accord only. They do not come from her. She is simply a carrier of the Mysteries, guided, purified and lifted with much help from the unseen worlds.

Her message for all, is that whether we know or not, believe or not, none of us are alone. We are supported, guided, receive healing and blessings from hands we may not feel and from beings we not see.  Drop into the silence of the heart and you may begin to know.


Blessings on Your Journey ~

off with the blindfolds!

Do not be so alarmed by the vision of fright when the Dark Goddess descends on your light!
She is here to strip off the blindfolds of our own darkness, awaken us from our slumber. When we can relate to Her presence as a blessing and to our journey, even if it holds pain, as an adventure, we are never in complete darkness.

"Her act of fierceness is a mystic metaphor for relentlessly giving up the superficial."

 Yogini Shambhavi

She is present to dismantle the traps of the lower mind, its ego attachments, and the ways in which our life holds us captive in darkness and illusion. The illusion is that we even don't know we're in the dark! Yes, this is frightening to the parts of us who resist awakening to our own bright light of Inner Divine.  However, once it is recognized that She is here to love us, care for us and nourish us, in ways the world cannot; once this is known in the heart, Her blessings fill us from within.

Reflect back in time to that child that was you. The growing pains in your body, the aches that may have brought tears, the physical form literally re-forming through growth spurts. Growth is rarely comfortable.  Change brings challenge!  Then see your first love, followed by your first heartache. The pain of an innocent heart opened so big, to allow another so close.  But it is that love and it's pain that became a teacher for your future, for your character, for your path of becoming.  These changes in your being, are part of life's journey.
With each new life, new you, an old passes away.  There was fear, pain, but they cannot be separated from the inherent joy and continual re-birthing.

The Mother of destruction, is also the Mother of birth. The Mother of dark is the Mother of light.  We live in a plane of polarity and one will not exist without the other. It is only the mind, what the mind has been taught to believe, that labels one 'good' and one 'bad.'

When the Soul begins to stir, when it begins to long for the Unknown, when it begins to weep for that hole within to be filled, we can be assured, if we continue to stay present with its ache, it will lead us to the Divine.  For some this may be through Jesus, others Buddha, and others the Divine Mother.  Her presence pre-dates the others, yet, She still remains the most frightening, particularly in her destruction mode.

The Mother has been split, dissected, fragmented from her Whole of being.  She is alive in the air we breath, the water of our rivers are the streams of blood in our veins.  The soil and rock of Her Earth is the skeletal foundation of our bodies.  She is propeller of our growth from physical to Soul.  She is the light and the dark, the inner and the outer.  She is creation, but she is also destruction.  We can not have one without the other.  

All of life is this dance of cycles, 

death ~ 

birth ~ 

death ~ birth.  

We live this cycle unconsciously. Our cells are dying and regenerating daily. 
We live a life that is in the process of dying.  
New opportunities are created, while the old outworn aspects of life are transformed ~ Through the new.

Often, we feel forced into changes, usually by circumstances. Too many of us can be rooted in stagnation of movement. We bemoan and wonder, "Why did this person need to leave?  How could this tragedy have happened to me? What will happen to me now that I have lost this?" If we are rooted in stagnation, we will miss the signs pointing, "This way to your new life! Your Joy returns Here! Deeper wisdom over there! Greater freedom right here, right now!"

The Mother says to us in our hearts, if only we listen, "My Child. Do not fret nor worry. All things pass away in their due time! We must make room for the new joys to come.  We must shed like a snake the out-worn skin, for it is time to don the new beautiful costume of your next expression of being!  Take heart, take shelter that the dark is simply to strengthen your Light.  Your pain is necessary to know your Love.  Your longing is to help you realize, that what you seek is not found in the mortal world. What you seek is the Wholeness and Truth found within, the beauty of your own Being, forever connected to God, to the Mother. Once you know this, your hole will be healed!"

The journey is long for some, arduous for many. Particularly if we are blind to 'something bigger' or in the big sleep thinking we are awake! The struggle is to awaken beyond the forms of this world believed as truth, to continually awaken from the roles we each play, mistaking them for who we are and releasing the stories we live out, convincing us of this limited reality.

She that comes as darkness, baring teeth and growls, is our ally, She does battle on our behalf. She is ready to strip of us our blindfolds, ready or not! As the darkness is ripped away, we See! Sometimes this new sight is gradual, sometimes it is brilliant and all at once! She knows what is needed, what our heart need to open to a higher love, and what trials we must persevere to make this so.

So, take heed, have faith, be courageous and resilient! Don't turn away in blind fear, explore with the heart and let Her love awaken within. There refuge can be taken to the journey within!

Jai Kali Ma!

collapse into Her

The rising consciousness of the Divine Feminine is being witnessed in snippets and in avalanches, depending on where one looks.  The growth of yoga, which has now permeated mainstream brings many who may not otherwise have been introduced to this 'concept', into it's fold.  And while this gentle awakening is occurring, there is still room to note how programmed our consciousness is towards the masculine in the way the majority of us live our lives.

I personally, will be the first to admit that I am a pretty Yang kinda gal. My constitution is pretty airy/mental and firey/intense and driven.  At one time I relished this in myself. I felt efficient and in control. And then, it stopped working for me or making sense to me. I realized I could use all the watery-ness I get! In the past and sometimes recently, the tendency has been to be nabbed by the Mother or to collapse into Her, because I had worn myself out. I am, however, pleased to say this has been in process of changing for quite some time.  As I release more of the overt drive and allow myself to feel the embrace of the Feminine, I allow myself to be transformed.

As this transition takes place, when the body, mind and heart soften, the qualities that come with that spaciousness take root. Compassion grows more easily. The need to prove, control and multi-task lessens.  The desire to please the expectations of a Super Woman mind-set vanishes.  It is only after the deeper settling, rejuvenating and trusting in the Sacred Flow of Life, can I see more clearly how to remain in Her flow more consciously.

One of the problems with intending to move through life in a more graceful, calmer way, is that this doesn't always go over too grandly with the vast majority.  Yet, this upset brought on by a slower, calmer, more fluidly chaotic, yet present way of being is proof of our masculine programming that we as women have taken on.  Today as I was in morning traffic, it was two women honking and yelling at the car ahead of them. These cars had absolutely nowhere to move. The impatience and anger that is only too alive and well, is a clear path of killing ourselves slowly. This is simply an everyday occurrence in any city, the reactions of both men and women, because our society is revved to the 9's in tension and unhealthy contraction.

The sadness is, that as women have adopted these roles to match our counter-part, to 'make it' in a man's world, we have lost our ability to be a source of balance, nourishment and nurturing that is so badly needed.  We lose our ability to reflect these qualities back to one another.  Even those of us who try so hard to be on a balanced path fall prey too easily once we leave the yoga class or leave the bliss of the massage table.  Many turn to the escape of the computer, FB, Twitter, etc. and see this as a vehicle for relaxation.  However, we are still engaging in a doing mode, we are not emptying out or nurturing ourselves.  We are simply distracting ourselves for the time being and not connecting to our deeper heart or Soul. 

It seems that if we are really to be able to shift the larger paradigm, we women must strive to find the moments of 'coming down' from the masculine high.  What is called for is the need to go within, dive within.  We need to find that ability to roll around and luxuriate in moments of non-doing, emptiness, quietude, our own sweetness.  Find the bliss of bubble baths, soothing music, or sitting under a favorite tree . . . without something that needs to be done in X amount of time.  

This shift begins with each of us as we find the courage to say 'no' to the paradigm that is non-sustainable to the wellness and Wholy-ness of our being.  I have found this to be a challenge myself, especially if I have been on a binge of proving, controlling, doing.  Think about how that mode of life feels in your body.  I know for me, I feel the chemicals coursing through my blood and brain.  It's like a drug! And it takes awhile to come down.  There was a time when it took a conscious effort to remind myself that it was OK to simply be quiet, be still and take care of myself, without feeling guilty.  I am so happy to say that old guilt has pretty much gone out the window! When I fall into this less familiar tendency these days, I can't wait to hit the cloud of 'beingness'. Increase my practice, soothe myself with some of my favorite music and gaze out the window ~ FOR HOURS OF COMPLETE EMPTINESS.  IT IS HEAVENLY!

Go ahead! Collapse into Her arms, Her embrace.

Allow the unsettling of letting go of the known.

Release the mind as you dive into the cavern of the heart.

Commit to the softening waves She send forth as you open to Her!

It is then I can be more present and open hearted with those close to me or those I encounter. It is in this re-newed balance that my creativity peaks.  It is in this spaciousness I am clearer about how important it is to treat myself with love and gentleness.  It is in this softness I am a better wife and friend.  It is once I have let go of going, doing, striving, that I know the connection to the Sacred within, in all of Life, and re-commit to strengthening that aspect.  It is in that reconnection, re-commitment, that my Trust and Faith increases. I am reminded I am truly not the one in control.  It is in this re-newing that my awareness and knowing takes another leap that the Divine Feminine is indeed alive and is tapping on many of our shoulders, calling us to Wake-Up.  Do our do consciously, gracefully, sometimes fiercely, and then LET GO and ride Her waves!

It is true we live a dance of the masculine and feminine. I stress the feminine side, the internal side, the dark side, the intuitive side and the Feminine fierce side of life because this is the road less traveled for most.  It is a path of riches, wisdom, beauty and peace.  It is too often turned away from because we like feeling revved. The rev is how we have come to define being alive.  But alas, the Divine Feminine teaches us of the Mystery life which is necessary to truly be Wholy enlivened!

Blessings on the path of the Divine Feminine!

Hear the Divine sing

Feel Her dance 

Be embraced by Her love

Through you ~

But first, one must drop within & surrender,

 in order to receive ~

Jai Ma!

blood flow blessings

October is here. Fall is here. Transition is here. My blood flow is here.      Somehow these all feel very intertwined for me at this juncture, though I am not sure why.  Perhaps it is that the inner pull of menstruation feels amplified, as we have entered the season of shedding. 

In my younger years, my cycles were very irregular.  I feel much of that was due to a very emotionally stressful life and other 'bad' habits that filled my days and nights.  I never felt very in-tune with that aspect of my body.  I have a close friend, who in our early 30's she complained about the strong desire to hide away from the world when her flow began and did not want to be around the male race.  Another friend endured cramps that had her in bed and in pain. Other friends experienced the 'big meanies' when PMS set in.  I on the other hand, had very few physical symptoms and since I was pretty moody to begin with, I only noticed a slight building in the moods ~ though my partners may have another version of that story!

It never occurred to me that there was a whole relationship to be cultivated with 'that time of the month', until I hit my 40's.  As my life became more balanced, my cycle followed suite. My sensitivity began increasing. My body began feeling. My moods were recognized more acutely sharpened.  Though on one hand, I wasn't pleased with the on-set of cramps, along with the tenderness, some water retention, and the eruptions screaming to come to the surface, something in my began to deepen.

I stumbled onto books, stories, hints of a new way to be with the time of bleeding, of cleansing.  There is a realness that I get in touch with when I bleed.  When I allow the time, I can feel that my mind isn't interested in 'thinking' or my personality is not interested in 'doing'.  Over the years, I do my best to heed the call to the inner.  What used to be called 'the curse' by some, is more of a blessing.  There is a natural quietude that settles in.  I feel like I can communicate more authentically, that I can remain more grounded, humble, reflective and receive guidance.

For me, when the river of blood runs, I appreciate the gentleness of being.  It has become painful when I see tampon ads and commercials with messages of disconnect from this time of honoring a deeper part of our woman-hood.  Instead of a time of rest, which allows the body to truly cleanse and balance, we are taught to continue on through our moon-time, as if it is only the sun-time which is important.

According to Ayurveda and Bri. Maya Tiwari in 'A Path of Practice,' "all disorders relating to the womb - premature puberty, irregular menstrual flow, premenstrual syndrome, infertility, vaginal infections, reproductive organ cancers are linked to the monthly cycle. As much as possible you should slow your pace, reduce activities so that your body receives the least degree of stress." She shares beautiful practices to align with the rhythm of the moon, gradually bringing our time of flow to coincide with the full moon.

It took me a long time to realize the value of bleeding.  Today the gifts of this inner connection sent me clear messages of diet change, an odd choice of tea to drink, and the reminder that the puzzlement of my thoughts keep me from 'doing' too much! Yet on the other side of that coin, I love to share when I am dropped into my core. I appreciate the realness from this place.  So I follow the musings that show themselves.  And like the fall, see more and more that needs to shed, to be transmuted.  I am grateful to the space I have learned to create for my self, nurturing, reflection and deeper listening. 

And now, some music, tea, and maybe a mid-morning  nap ~

Blessings ~

why meditate?

The popularity and practice of meditation is growing rapidly these days.  With more and more people finding the benefits of hatha yoga (the practice of physical postures), the natural next tier would be for a desire to move to the next internal level through meditation.  Though the science of meditation has been around for thousands of years in the East, we are still in the baby stages here in the West as to what meditation really means.  For many it can be a desire, yet daunting! We hear we are supposed to make our minds completely still and defeat seeps in before we actually begin to explore how true this statement is. 

Daunting as it may be, the pull for this practice in our collective consciousness continues to grow.  While we may be attracted to and enchanted with the doctrines of the East, most of us in the West aren't really convinced of the validity of many things until it has been approved by the mainstream medical establishment.

Here from the Mayo Clinic is an endorsement that could open up the willingness from most doubting-Thomas's:

"Meditation is considered a type of mind-body complementary medicine. Meditation produces a deep state of relaxation and tranquil mind . . . resulting in enhanced physical and emotional well-being."

Why meditate?  Here are some wonderful benefits that the Mayo Clinic has found to be substantial in both our emotional/mental and physical health:

Emotional Benefits:

New perspectives on stressful situations 

Skills to manage stress

Increase of self-awareness 

Ability to focus on the present 

Reduction of negative emotions

Illnesses Aided:

Allergies

Asthma

Addictions

Cancer Heart Disease

High Blood Pressure

Pain

Sleep Disorders 

"Yoga is the stilling of the modifications of the mind." 

Patanajali (the Father of Yoga, first to record yogic practices in 200 BC)

Does the mind really become completely stilled and quiet? Some would say "Yes" at least for moments, here and there.  But one very important thing to remember is, this is a practice.  An ongoing practice that will indeed show movements towards the stilling of the movements of thought.

Can we expect to get there from our first attempts? I would say we are setting ourselves up for a disappointment if we hold that expectation. 

Yogi Amrit Desai says this about meditation:

"Meditation is objective impersonal observation of whatever becomes the object of our awareness."

Clearly there is activity of thoughts, however, we learn to simply watch the thoughts without any attachment or engagement.

"Meditation is the development of non-judgemental witness which allows us to embrace opposites unconditionally."

Through practice we learn to not react to our thoughts, we don't have to label anything as 'good' or 'bad', that floats through the mind. We simply learn to watch and let go.

"Meditation takes us from the field of duality to the sacred state of unity and oneness."

We live in a world of separateness, me/you; good/bad; right/wrong; perceiving an inner lack/striving for completeness; etc. This consciousness causes suffering. When we are drawn inward, when we no longer attach to our thoughts as being true, a peacefulness rises from within. This is the experience of Unity and Oneness. Yoga literally means 'Union', 'Oneness', 'Yoking', 'Integration', 'Whole.' Meditation is the doorway and the hallway into the room of Union!

From this state, when we have removed our engagement from the thinking of the mind, and go the next step to consciously concentrate the mind, a new world opens up! Eventually if we dive into the practice often enough, these skills are strengthened. All along the way we simply feel better and better. Our life changes and we begin to change, regardless of whether we still have thoughts while sitting in meditation. In that knowing, we can let go of perfection and rest in the Peace that begins to reshape the rest of our health and life!

The spiritual component, the sacred awakening is quite individual.  It is there. If you are a seeker, you will be found. It will show itself, but this intention these days is not the sole focus, and that is ok.

There are many techniques in order to learn how to meditate. Some techniques work for some people, other techniques, for others.  When facilitating this process with clients, I offer a couple of different techniques based on their desire, constitution, etc. For those individuals carrying a heavy stress load and a very busy mind, I have found that the practice of Yoga Nidra, a guided meditation is quite helpful to ease them into their own meditation practice.

Why Meditate? I suppose each will have to come up with their own motivation and inspiration, if and when the time is right. The reasons and experiences truly, are vast and pointed; simple, yet profound; worldly and beyond! Personally, I have seen my life and other lives transformed, as the path of mediation was embarked upon. Therefor, I encourage, support and rejoice! 

If you feel a call to explore, Inner Journeys offers private sessions to help you on your way!

Peaceful Wishes ~

self-care/self-love

Wrap yourself in the cloak of peace. Settle into your own inner softness of being.  Open your heart to your own radiance.  Heal and nourish the scars of sorrow.  Soak in the truths you seek in the quietude.  Choose you first, to fill your reservoir of love for others.

How many times do you wait until your stress levels have peaked to the unbearable before you take a step toward self-nurturance? How long do you put off coping with heavy emotions, until finally they can not be dammed up any longer?  And how many areas of chronic tension are held in your body, inhibiting free  movement, deep sleep, and unfettered joy?

"All of us receive messages from our bodies regularly about what serves our health and well-being and what doesn't. Our bodies know immediately when we are doing something or even thinking of something that doesn't support us."

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Well, if you are like many of us, you wait until you can't put it off anymore! And then how many of you get the feel-good fix, only to turn your attention once again away from your own self-care?! There is an ease in ignoring what is good for us and a challenge in doing what is healing, healthy and nourishing.  For whatever reason for this upside-down perspective, it all to often seems to be the norm, unless we recognize it, remain conscious of it, and with a commitment to our well-being make a decision to take care of ourselves.  Self-care is really a way of communicating to ourselves that: 

"I matter. I love and respect myself. I value my health and well-being."

Recently I had a client/good friend who had been under tremendous stress.  Her life was in transition on all fronts. Her stress levels were running very high, she had numerous false stories running around her brain, and her body was holding layers of tension.  In the midst of her own turmoil, she was also trying to care-take for others in her life with her own empty tank.  She finally had made some time for a much needed session, only to feel the day before, that she was much to stressed and had so much to do, she needed to cancel.  As we talked on the phone, her voice cracking with near tears, I offered a couple of questions.

The answers to the questions allowed her a few moments to think clearer and realize what she really needed was the relaxation and decompressing of stress from the session she had scheduled.  During our time together, with some discussion about all the aspects of her life that were out of balance, a Yoga Nidra meditation and Reiki treatment, she found her footing again.  She gained clarity of the truth of her situation rather than being chased around unconsciously by her internal stories.  Her body relaxed, she had a good cry and she was able to get in touch with feelings she had been holding in.  She gained a deeper peace and clearer mind.  She was so happy she had decided to make time for the session, which in reality allowed her more spaciousness and a clearer sense of what really needed to take place and what could be let go of.

"In order to create health daily, long before illness ensues we need to pay attention to the subtle signals from our bodies about what feels good and what doesn't. . . aches and pains are common but subtle symptoms that often signal that it is time for us to start letting go of what we don't want in life and start using our own power to improve things."

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

This is in no way an isolated event.  Many of us often find ourselves in these circumstances. Self-care allows us to flow through our lives, not unaffected, but better able to cope with the effects of daily stress. For many of us, we need to learn that we deserve to take care of ourselves.  And further, that with self-care maintenance, our body, mind and heart is better served.  As we learn that we feel better, can manage stress and emotions better with a regular regimen of nurturing. We also find we can be more helpful to others and remain centered in our hearts.

When we learn to take care of ourselves, to love ourselves, we are then more available to love others in our lives. When we are harboring stress and contraction, the spaciousness that love needs to flow freely is cut off.  Relax, open, surrender, soften, expand, settle, and release into Self-Care and Self -Love.  You nor those around you will regret it! It's the best discipline we can develop! 

wild inspirations

Recently, I embarked once again on the enticing, soul stirring, inner voyage via Clarissa Pinkola Estes book, 'Woman Who Run With Wolves.'  I first encountered and devoured these stories in 1997, a time of great excitement and upheaval, both inwardly and outwardly.  I was traveling in the Life/Death/Life circle of life. Many aspects of that person were dying away, creating the sprouts of who I was to become.  I was seeing new light within and "re-visioning myself anew" for the first time, consciously! Many deaths and rebirths have occurred since and I indeed have Estes writings to thank for being a guide through the underworlds, which aren't nearly as scary as we tend to think. Clearly, since I felt the call to read these stories again, I recognize that the wheel of Life/Death/Life is turning, one more time for me and I will resurface from her words renewed and transformed!

"The deepest work is usually the darkest.  A brave woman, a wisening woman will develop the poorest psychic land, for if she builds only on the best of her psychic land, she will have for a view of herself, the least of what she is." Estes

During the years I have been seeing clients privately through Inner Journeys sessions, it has been witnessed that relaxation is foundational to opening.  There are secrets carried on the breath.  There are truths which surface with release. There is light and peace awaiting to be given space. There is beauty realized in the often held beliefs of our shadow.  Once opening begins, moving deeper can be experienced as a sacred gift given to the self.  When people come to see me, they are just seeking to feel better about something.

However, usually 'something' deeper, is touched that alerts clients to 'something' else that is stirring below their awareness.  This 'something' may be a grief that has not yet been given voice; repetitive mate choices which render turmoil; a heavy lethargy or depression they can not shake; unknown fears which grip; physical issues which can not be medically founded or disease which has taken root; or simply (which is not simple) living a lack-luster life without dreams or purpose.  I recognize them as myself and vice-verse, as we are all more similar than different, I believe.  I recognize in most of these cases that to feel our lives so completely and deeply, so honestly and authentically, requires bravery and as Estes writes about, that inner Wildness needs to be set free!

"So do not be afraid to investigate the worst. It only guarantees increase of soul power through fresh insights and opportunities for re-visioning one's life and self anew." Estes

All the modalities used in our sessions help to quiet the stories and make safe the mechanisms with which  have been unconsciously put into place in order to cope with life and have been of service. But sooner or later there must be growth or else we become our own captors of out dated coping skills.  This doesn't mean ones life is 'bad'.  We all develop coping skills as a part of being alive.  But as life moves bringing new experiences, we sometimes fall into a rut, or greater. There is a forgetfulness that there is a light trying to shine and a life re-birthed trying to live! Death and rebirth is a natural cycle, yet often times we find comfort in only sustaining a superficial comfort.  This actually inhibits our living fully, with our changing truths or authenticity.  But alas, to venture from comfort does mean that some kind of death must occur.  This is often a time of testing the point of readiness. Sometimes, for all of us, when faced with these forks in the road, we will take the road less traveled, into our own wildness.  Sometimes we have no choice, because our heart knows we can't continue on in the same way any longer. Sometimes, the familiar is chosen, until it can't be any more.

"Compliance causes a shocking realization that must be registered by all woman. That is, to be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others, and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves." Estes

Though I mostly work with woman, I have found men too must go through their own breaking away and initiations as well.  Standing in authenticity seems to be both a soul-call, a deep desire and can bring the largest bundle of fear. There will be loss of some kind or another, yet this is where a new freedom and a new self is given flight!

"Sometimes a woman is afraid to be without security or without certainty, for even a short time.  She has more excuses than dogs have hairs. She must simply dive in and stand not knowing what will happen next.  It is the only thing which will retrieve her intuitive nature."    . . .    ". . . causes her to die to an old way of being and step with shivers into a new life, one which is based on an older, wiser kind of knowing." Estes

I have seen much bravery in myself and many others I have worked with. The blooming processes are beautiful! Just dipping the toe or foot in the water for some is the initial bravery needed, even if the high dive hasn't been approached yet.  The timing and readiness is not for me to say.  It is my call to be an usher for these journeys, yet I know not what preparatory measures are needed.  I stay awake and alert to signs if each individual and honor the path they travel.

As I revisit 'Women Who Run With Wolves' these many years later, I see clearly how her stories brought healing which I didn't even know I needed at the time. I see too, how Estes work has deeply influenced the way I approach my own life, the many deaths I surrender to while living this life, the quality of Wildness that expresses through me, and the gifts cultivated in order to be of service to others feeling the urge to break free!

For those feeling the call of your Wild intuitive nature, an Inner Journey must be taken ~ you are invited!

soulsguidance.com

the medicine of mate & the master brew

For just over a year I have found a great friend in Yerba Mate.  It never affected me in the same way as the caffeine in coffee or green teas did.  I never experienced the jitters, a crash, or the dehydration with Mate.  What I did experience was really clear thinking and Oh! such happiness!  I mean, happy, positive thoughts, and enthusiasm for life in all the shapes it took.  

We began our move here to Los Angles last spring and it just so happened that was when Mate became my daily companion.  Honestly, I thought I was just so excited to be here, in a new city, a new life, with a new wide open future ahead.  And this was true.  However, little did I realize that the Mate was a medicine to match all the positive happening, and maybe creating an even more enthused me that might not have been without it's help.  Little did I know this, until that is, a couple of months ago.

A couple of months ago, I decided that I was going to let go of this companion, Mate and transition to what a friend of mine calls my 'Master Brew.'  More on that shortly.  In all my years of drinking coffee or green tea, never did I ever go through any kind of with-drawl symptoms.  Of course, that could have something to do with the fact that I transitioned from one to the next.  But in my defense as well, I did have a period of time in Tucson in which I did enjoy a variation of my Master Brew. . . oh yay, that concoction did include raw cocoa powder, didn't it?  Well then, I guess it is safer to say, I have never really been too long without some form of stimulant in my system in a very, very, very long time!

So, as I was saying, a couple months ago I decided to do without my cherished Yerba Mate.  Wow, was I in for a surprise!  Confusion, sleepiness, foggy brain, crankiness and depression set in.  I didn't even know I was going through with-drawl for a few days.  Finally I saw a post on Face Book from someone else who just so happened to be leaving her Mate behind too.  I was relieved to find similar sentiments in her comments and I felt better knowing I wasn't alone in this unsettled state of mind.

I took solace in my Master Brew.  Being what we would refer to in Ayurveda, a Vata-Pitta constitution, my body was really calling out for some balancing, calming, soothing and nourishing.  After a year of transitioning, beginning two new businesses, and also holding a demanding role in my 'job', no wonder I was feeling the need to sooth. A Vata type can only be on go-mode for so long!  The Master Brew fed me on so many levels.  I began to balance out, the fog lifted, the mood rose naturally, and the crankiness softened.

In all honesty though, the Mate held something that I couldn't regain on my own.  I struggled with this odd dependency I was pulled toward, only this time it was conscious.  I played with it.  Every couple of days I would indulge in a Mate, remain present to what it was creating in my mind, and then let it go again.  My sensitivity to it increased with it's absence and I found my desire for it to become balanced as well.  

What I have concluded for myself is that it is a medicine that I can utilize with consciousness.  There are some days when I have a lot of mental work that needs to take place, I do invite the medicine of Mate to aid this process.  There are days when I recognize it is best for me to be in a higher vibe, I invite Mate in to help here too!  However, in this conscious approach, it has been discovered that this body does not always need or desire it's particular vibration and qualities.  There has been an evening out in my system in which it desires to experience peace, an inner quietude, a groundedness that comes with the Master Brew.  

In the end, I find both to be incredibly beneficial to my health, peace of mind and enthusiasm for life.  I feel grateful to this body for communicating to me it's needs and the ability to be conscious in the skills of discernment of the body's messages.  As I have balanced out, the messages are clearer.  I partake without guilt and now the high vibe happiness that used to be ignited by Mate, has found a genuine expression without.  I must admit though, that there is a specific quality of happiness, enthusiasm and clarity, present all at once with the medicine of Mate, that I have yet to perceive all by my little ol' self! And there are days that fullness is accessed!

More and more, it is the Master Brew that calls out to me.  As my meditation & yoga practice are now becoming more consistent, once again, the qualities of peace and calm win out.  The Master Brew for anyone who may wish to explore it's nourishment, along with a few of the many benefits, is as follows:

Ashwaganda Root: 

Boosts immune, combats stress, increase memory & learning, aids anxiety/depression, balances blood sugar & cholesterol, anti inflammatory . . .

Astragalus Root:

Increase vitality & immune system, combats stress, heart health. . .

Cats Claw:

Increase immunity, anti-inflammatory, aids arthritis, positive affect for breast cancer, supports digestion. . .

Pau d'Arco:

Increase Immunity, fights cancers & infections, stimulates red-blood cell production, blood purifier . . .

Holy Basil/Tulsi:

Increase immune, decrease stress, increase mental clarity, antioxidant properties, soothes headaches, supports skin & heart health, balances hormones, increases joy, increases cerebral circulation . . .

Lavender or Rose Petals: 

Both are cooling, calming, soothing and increases the feminine energies. . .

If you need some soothing in this stimulating world, perhaps the Mater Brew will call to you too.  I might add, I am not an herbalist or doc, so always research based on your own health and any medications you might be taking and listen to your body!

Happiness & Health!

katy perry - firework

thank you katy perry

Yesterday we went to see the new movie, "Katy Perry ~ Part of Me."  We loved it and felt great after seeing it.  Not being familiar with her or her music really, I was left humming, singing and smiling! From the personal glimpses in the movie, I really appreciated her joyfulness, humor and enjoyment of life.  I was also taken by the embodiment she has achieved of not only being a beautiful and sexy woman, but she has yoked that with a childlike whimsy and wholesomeness.  Even as she hits the stage, minimally clothed, in a large busted bra with tassels swinging from the  nipples, there is a brightness and charm that is always present.  While it seems like most of her audience is young, even they seem to remain connected to their innocence of candy-fairy land dreams in the midst of singing along with Katy, "I kissed a girl and I liked it . . ."  My favorite aspect of the movie and her message though, is that of embracing who you are, be it geek or starlet, follow your dreams,  find your individual spark of authenticity and let it SHINE!

I am a push-over for true stories, celebrity stories and come-back kid-against the odds stories.  I love to feel inspired and reminded that we all have dreams, we are all filled with inspiration that moves through us, and we all have our own unique purpose of why we are here.  The trick however, is to wade through the conventional expectations and sometimes very real survival aspects of daily life. I do believe we all have dreams, aspirations and a special purpose, but sometimes the reality is that it is way too difficult to FEEL those things are true for us.  We watch those who do live out their dreams and continue to feel it is out of our reach.  It is for those few, not for us.  I believe that is one of the reasons our society is mesmerized with celebrity.  We revere celebrities as royalty, whether they are movie stars, musicians or athletes.  We are intrigued and enamored with the ways we are shown 'they are just like us.'

Of course they are just like us.  Well, maybe not in all ways.  One thing that seems to be consistent for them and maybe a bit different than us average Joe's and Jane's, is that they have dedicated themselves to their dream.  They believe they can reach that star!  They are willing to risk hardship, disappointment, and being thought of as being ridiculous by those around them.  They are also willing to live outside the box of conformity, they are willing to risk the comforts of security and they step out into their fears, the unknown, and allow what comes through them to take the lead.

I certainly don't believe all this is conscious, yet I do believe there is a surrendering process to something bigger than them, whether it all makes sense or not!  I feel we are in awe of the people who push the edges of the box, who risk and put themselves out there, because they reflect to us a part of ourselves.  It is as if we project onto them what we also have within us, but we may fail to recognize our awe is attempting to awaken us to ourselves!  Our own spark is trying to ignite when we get all turned on by those whose names are in lights.

That is another one of the beautiful messages I heard in yesterday's movie . . . We are the spark! Let it shine!
Katie is sending this powerful message to young people today and they are listening.  Those who were interviewed shared how she has helped them to accept themselves, however they are; to reach for what brings them joy, for their dreams; to be true to who they are.

Young people are not the only ones who need to hear this truth.  It wasn't until I was in my 30's that I even began to listen inwardly and believe that I was here to follow my dream, give life to my purpose and come alive in the voice I am here to speak with.  When we wake up later in life, it also means we have to take off the heavy blankets of misconceptions or lies that we have been told.  But that in no way means that the work isn't fruitful and shouldn't be started.  It is never too late to find what we love and give that attention, energy and life.

So, the layers have sometimes slowly, sometimes rapidly been shed as I become more aware of what lies inside of me.  My dreams may not be of stage lights and autographs, yet they are not any less powerful.  I may not have to overcome fears of succeeding/failing in the eyes of millions, yet the fears I get to work through are still scary.  The authenticity of voice may not have to be fought for as those that are under big money contracts, yet I still find I have to delve into self-imposed ideas of how I should let my gifts flow.

It also seems to me, that if we connect to our inspirations, feel them as a voice of guidance, then have the courage to follow them ~ whatever the risks, we would be more creative, more joyful, more peaceful, more whole.  If we as individuals were more creative, joyful, peaceful and whole, that would impact our world in an uplifting way.

I am reminded every time I find myself feeling an energy surge from those who I see as 'making it', that I am seeing myself, my life and my dreams coming to life and hopefully I can touch others in the way Katy is!
 I will close by simply saying 'Thank you Katy Perry! For the playfulness, beauty, authentic expression of your gifts, and uplifting all of our hearts with smiles and possibility!'

enlivened beings

The world we are living in today is very exciting. Granted, there are the existing turmoils and areas of great concern, but is also a part of the worldly existence and the nature of it's duality.  Yet there is an ever increasing understanding of the unlimited Joy, Abundance and Bliss available to each of us, if we tune our minds and heart into those qualities.

It seems too often when people seek healing there isn't the realization that the power lies within them. For those of us acting a vehicles which facilitate healing, in whatever modality that may be, it is important to empower those we work with. We are learning more clearly that we each have a hand in creating our imbalances and that it is truly each of us who are responsible for our healing.

However, I want to move the focus here beyond the healing state. Years ago when I was in the throes of alcoholism, I basically felt like s*#! all the time, yet believed that was 'normal'.  There was relative numbness, feeling 'ok', sometimes more rested and alert, but never really happy in any full sense of the experience.  Then I got sober. Wow! What a difference! My mind and body began to feel much more alive.  There was a greater connection to both ups and downs.  I was beginning to be 'touched' by moments of happiness, which then grew over the years. As I healed on deeper levels, that happiness transformed into Joy! And as I continued on the path of spiritual awakening, transformation continues to morph into expanded states of Bliss, Joy, Love, Peace and Gratitude!

Had I not been prompted by an inner knowing and listened to that guidance, I may have stopped short at mere happiness, feeling that as the ultimate fulfillment.  For awhile I was astounded on a regular basis when I would hit those high peak states of Joy.  Then they became the rule rather than the exception. I refer to this as being enlivened.  There is an active, pulse, an energy always present keeping me tuned into an inner truth of my being. This inner truth is the experience which is imparted by the wisdom and mystical traditions.  It is a growing Light that is born from within as a result of deep healing, purification and recognition that I am NOT the false identifications which I once felt locked into.

This enlivened state may not always be evident. It doesn't mean there aren't times where the veils of illusion don't cover my eyes.  But what can be truly said is that even then, there is the constant thread of Joy, of Light, of knowing, always and forever present!

We are learning at a quickening pace the power of our own minds, how to direct our thoughts, desires, and intentions in order to create not only a life of Joy for ourselves, but the envisioning of a better world.  From my personal perspective, science and spirituality are forming a marriage and with this union, we will all be empowered to raise ourselves up into these higher states of living!

We are realizing we do indeed have a large degree of control over our health and well-being by what kind of thoughts we are thinking. The ancient wisdom of the yogis are popping up in mainstream media as science 'proves' the power of mindfulness, meditation and harnessing our thought patterns. All of this information streaming to us via varying sources is returning us into our own hands, encouraging us to claim responsibility for ourselves, our happiness, our fulfillment, our process of enlivening.

Though for some this may feel more challenging, but ultimately the rewards are boundless. This new paradigm does require accountability, a letting go of old ways and habits, shifting our understanding of how we, as human beings are evolving, and engaging our will to move through tough spots.  There is no denying that if one has been entrenched with the programming of the past, it will take some effort. That being said, I have also learned through my experience, that when we seek to align our will with the highest of good, there is a force that supports that intention.  This force, God, Goddess, Spirit, the Universe, Higher Power . . . assists in the endeavor, bestows grace and guidance.  We are not alone making this journey into a higher Love.  We must open the door though, and make the first effort.

We never need to settle for just 'getting by' in our emotional and spiritual life, living a life of numbness, mediocrity, or moving a notch above depressed.  These are just starting points.  We have the potential and tools to be deeply at Peace, Joyful, Ecstatic, and Blissful.  These are not emotions, they are states of consciousness and qualities of being.

Those just beginning a healing journey, which I see as a journey back to remembering your wholeness and Holiness, the transformation from caterpillar to butterfly awaits!  Don't stop when you just start to feel 'better'. There is much more out there waiting for you to wake up to as you become an Enlivened Being!

Blessings along your path!

bissful depth diver

"I must be a mermaid Rango. I have no fear of the depths and great fear of shallow living."

anias ninn

I must be a mermaid then, too.  This is what I have come to understand from the first time I read this quote by Anais Ninn.  While I love to dance and sing in the sun, I also am called by the subtle but powerful pull of the moon.  Were we all the same, with the same purpose on this Earth, in the life, what a lackluster existence we would have. As the saying goes, we need all the colors of the rainbow, each streaming into the next, and offering us a new light through which to see the world.

For us to be inspired, we require different muses at different times along our journey.  I have had great teachers who helped me to be more gentle, just as I have had those who have modeled power.  At different times, each called to me for exactly what and when I needed to transform.  There are so many amazing teachers and guides leading our revolution of higher consciousness through their Joy and Light.  They teach us how to look to the light, raise our minds and open our heart into a vibration of love.  There is a richness and a much needed up-liftment from the shallow, surface, sleepwalking many of us have been programmed into.  Many suffer from chronic issues, physical, emotional and spiritual, from which joy, laughter and community is the medicine.  And many live in a kind of numbness, disconnected from true joy or sadness. I am forever grateful to that medicine that lifts my Spirit to it's heights and those who imparted it to me!

And yet, for me, in this life, as joyful as I am most of the time, I must be a mermaid of sorts, according to Ninn.  I marry my light into the depths and shadows of Soul exploration. What breaks my heart open into a greater love, are the mysteries of our lives and our deaths, the bitter-sweetness of the change that cause us to stop and look within.  There is a Beauty and a Joy present in being able to touch my own sorrow and help another to touch theirs. There is an ache within, that is a blessing, as it always calls me into my own center where I find my deepest connection to God/Goddess. 

Through the years of meditation and yoga practice, the light and shadow have found peace with one another.  I can't live with just one. I wouldn't want to. The gift that this has given me, is the ability to hold space for those in pain, suffering, ill or dying.  We all experience loss and many suffer. I believe suffering is  an option, which I also don't hold a negative meaning to the word. I don't always remove myself from it, so that I may learn from it.  It is a gift to not feel I must shun my own pain, escape it or make it go away.  This is the gift I  have the opportunity to share with others.

Because I am able to befriend my own shadow, meet it consciously, with love and compassion, I can be of service to others in these times of need.  Going on a journey into our depths frees us up to be more present in our dancing and singing in the sun. 

Many are still frightened by those times Life calls them 'down'. It is a cultural habit of ours to find the 'feel better' fix, without recognizing and appreciating the need for diving into the depths!  So, thanks to all those who have given permission to listen to what kindles my flame and amazing teachings to illustrate the Joy and Bliss hidden within the shadows!

All of you who keep shining the light ~ many thanks! and those of you who are blissful depth divers or those feeling nudged to awaken through that healing power, let's bring the polarities of the light and dark into Union, that we may discover our Wholeness!

Learning to See by Byron Lindley

LEARNING TO SEE

She learned in ways

uncivilized by man

the books they gave her

couldn’t speak

to the heart

the jumble of words

twisted inside

covers of cardboard

confuse the mind

let’s go outside

converse with stars

listen to leaves

whisper secrets

along strings of time

blown on a breeze

she could feel the Earth

beneath her feet

holding her up

with delicate strength

a gentle giant

like a teddy bear

who’s been abused

by generations of insensitivity

but she can feel

the pain

and the joy

present within

each moment of time

not wasting them

in sterile classes

built on equations

authoritarian

memorization

detention

for speaking with  angels

do what you’re told

the prize at the end

a piece of paper

she couldn’t comprehend

their consternation

and they

were just as baffled

when she said

I want to be here now

but what of your future

they cried

with hand-wringing concern

it never comes

she replied with a smile

walked outside

to sing to the grasses

blowing and growing

in meadow classrooms

beyond the lies

of a world gone mad

taught to pupils

with Ritalin eyes

forced conformity

in old fairytales

that make no sense

in the language of truth

we learn the hard way

when Babylon falls

but she already knew

when she came in

that tress and stars

hold more wisdom

than wars of fear

and religious dominion

take me away

from insanity

I’ll follow the breeze

on the music she sings

of ancient souls

calling you in

time to begin

healing within

Mother of time

forgive our sins

one and the same

she touches the Earth

a little girl

with healing hands

my faith renews

I smile inside

through the darkness

a new light shines

copyright by Byron Lindley

from ‘A Portait of Soul’