A stream of joy and freedom has been carrying me along through new beginnings.
And as the waves on the ocean rise and fall, ebb and flow, humbleness is present in which to look more closely within. Sometimes there is an occurrence which initiates the state of humility. Other times it's a natural balance to the phase prior. Either way, I've learned to really relish it's solitude.
During times when life offers us grist for the mill, though not pleasant to our senses or ego, our depth and Soul can flourish. It's in the ceasing to fight and resist that which is painful, that we can learn to be embraced by the polishing of the pearl.
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| Art by Teresa Dunwell |
As this year is winding to a close, I'm reflecting on it as THE year of learning to love myself. It has been riddled with emotional shocks to my system. This last year started off with a bang of staring in the face of being misunderstood, rejected, and disdained, from one whom I had at felt somewhat respected by. The circumstances felt quite dramatic. I felt like I was being slapped in the face repeatedly, which seemed to be necessary in order to come into direct contact with the stories cycloning around my internal landscape.
Towards the end of the 3 month turmoil, after coming home to myself, within myself, holding myself, over and over, I was able to really to hold all the realizations being unveiled. I was able to stand with humility of what part I played to attract the situation, the confidence to release what I didn't need to take on as mine, and the strength to fully grock that for the first time, I didn't need to be understood by any one outside of myself.
I felt initiated into qualities of maturity and wisdom. I felt transfixed by how much love and compassion I gained for my own being, past and present. I recognized the power of forgiveness in the midst of my pain and the pain of others. And I felt a freedom in seeing how this chapter had to unfold in just this way, in order to lift me into both new heights of clear seeing and deepen me into stronger roots.
By remaining present and diligent to what is really happening when we are thrown into inner storms we can indeed receive the return of the sun in all it's glory. If we choose to run, numb, or avoid getting to the roots of dark times when they envelope us, I believe we opt out of realizing how capable, resilient, and wise we are. It is often those times which shake us to our knees emotionally and make us kneel in the dirt so we can dig for the gold beneath the surface, that help us to be the integrated, truly compassionate & loving beings we are.
"Time out or time off is not the same as returning 'home.'
Calmness is not the same as solitude." Clarissa Pinkola-Estes
Returning again and again to places within which allow us to be in our own solitary presence, energy, and quietude, we are able to fully be embraced by our lessons so we return topside, embodied by new truths!
Blessings Along Your Journey ~ Lotus
