off with the blindfolds!

Do not be so alarmed by the vision of fright when the Dark Goddess descends on your light!
She is here to strip off the blindfolds of our own darkness, awaken us from our slumber. When we can relate to Her presence as a blessing and to our journey, even if it holds pain, as an adventure, we are never in complete darkness.

"Her act of fierceness is a mystic metaphor for relentlessly giving up the superficial."

 Yogini Shambhavi

She is present to dismantle the traps of the lower mind, its ego attachments, and the ways in which our life holds us captive in darkness and illusion. The illusion is that we even don't know we're in the dark! Yes, this is frightening to the parts of us who resist awakening to our own bright light of Inner Divine.  However, once it is recognized that She is here to love us, care for us and nourish us, in ways the world cannot; once this is known in the heart, Her blessings fill us from within.

Reflect back in time to that child that was you. The growing pains in your body, the aches that may have brought tears, the physical form literally re-forming through growth spurts. Growth is rarely comfortable.  Change brings challenge!  Then see your first love, followed by your first heartache. The pain of an innocent heart opened so big, to allow another so close.  But it is that love and it's pain that became a teacher for your future, for your character, for your path of becoming.  These changes in your being, are part of life's journey.
With each new life, new you, an old passes away.  There was fear, pain, but they cannot be separated from the inherent joy and continual re-birthing.

The Mother of destruction, is also the Mother of birth. The Mother of dark is the Mother of light.  We live in a plane of polarity and one will not exist without the other. It is only the mind, what the mind has been taught to believe, that labels one 'good' and one 'bad.'

When the Soul begins to stir, when it begins to long for the Unknown, when it begins to weep for that hole within to be filled, we can be assured, if we continue to stay present with its ache, it will lead us to the Divine.  For some this may be through Jesus, others Buddha, and others the Divine Mother.  Her presence pre-dates the others, yet, She still remains the most frightening, particularly in her destruction mode.

The Mother has been split, dissected, fragmented from her Whole of being.  She is alive in the air we breath, the water of our rivers are the streams of blood in our veins.  The soil and rock of Her Earth is the skeletal foundation of our bodies.  She is propeller of our growth from physical to Soul.  She is the light and the dark, the inner and the outer.  She is creation, but she is also destruction.  We can not have one without the other.  

All of life is this dance of cycles, 

death ~ 

birth ~ 

death ~ birth.  

We live this cycle unconsciously. Our cells are dying and regenerating daily. 
We live a life that is in the process of dying.  
New opportunities are created, while the old outworn aspects of life are transformed ~ Through the new.

Often, we feel forced into changes, usually by circumstances. Too many of us can be rooted in stagnation of movement. We bemoan and wonder, "Why did this person need to leave?  How could this tragedy have happened to me? What will happen to me now that I have lost this?" If we are rooted in stagnation, we will miss the signs pointing, "This way to your new life! Your Joy returns Here! Deeper wisdom over there! Greater freedom right here, right now!"

The Mother says to us in our hearts, if only we listen, "My Child. Do not fret nor worry. All things pass away in their due time! We must make room for the new joys to come.  We must shed like a snake the out-worn skin, for it is time to don the new beautiful costume of your next expression of being!  Take heart, take shelter that the dark is simply to strengthen your Light.  Your pain is necessary to know your Love.  Your longing is to help you realize, that what you seek is not found in the mortal world. What you seek is the Wholeness and Truth found within, the beauty of your own Being, forever connected to God, to the Mother. Once you know this, your hole will be healed!"

The journey is long for some, arduous for many. Particularly if we are blind to 'something bigger' or in the big sleep thinking we are awake! The struggle is to awaken beyond the forms of this world believed as truth, to continually awaken from the roles we each play, mistaking them for who we are and releasing the stories we live out, convincing us of this limited reality.

She that comes as darkness, baring teeth and growls, is our ally, She does battle on our behalf. She is ready to strip of us our blindfolds, ready or not! As the darkness is ripped away, we See! Sometimes this new sight is gradual, sometimes it is brilliant and all at once! She knows what is needed, what our heart need to open to a higher love, and what trials we must persevere to make this so.

So, take heed, have faith, be courageous and resilient! Don't turn away in blind fear, explore with the heart and let Her love awaken within. There refuge can be taken to the journey within!

Jai Kali Ma!

collapse into Her

The rising consciousness of the Divine Feminine is being witnessed in snippets and in avalanches, depending on where one looks.  The growth of yoga, which has now permeated mainstream brings many who may not otherwise have been introduced to this 'concept', into it's fold.  And while this gentle awakening is occurring, there is still room to note how programmed our consciousness is towards the masculine in the way the majority of us live our lives.

I personally, will be the first to admit that I am a pretty Yang kinda gal. My constitution is pretty airy/mental and firey/intense and driven.  At one time I relished this in myself. I felt efficient and in control. And then, it stopped working for me or making sense to me. I realized I could use all the watery-ness I get! In the past and sometimes recently, the tendency has been to be nabbed by the Mother or to collapse into Her, because I had worn myself out. I am, however, pleased to say this has been in process of changing for quite some time.  As I release more of the overt drive and allow myself to feel the embrace of the Feminine, I allow myself to be transformed.

As this transition takes place, when the body, mind and heart soften, the qualities that come with that spaciousness take root. Compassion grows more easily. The need to prove, control and multi-task lessens.  The desire to please the expectations of a Super Woman mind-set vanishes.  It is only after the deeper settling, rejuvenating and trusting in the Sacred Flow of Life, can I see more clearly how to remain in Her flow more consciously.

One of the problems with intending to move through life in a more graceful, calmer way, is that this doesn't always go over too grandly with the vast majority.  Yet, this upset brought on by a slower, calmer, more fluidly chaotic, yet present way of being is proof of our masculine programming that we as women have taken on.  Today as I was in morning traffic, it was two women honking and yelling at the car ahead of them. These cars had absolutely nowhere to move. The impatience and anger that is only too alive and well, is a clear path of killing ourselves slowly. This is simply an everyday occurrence in any city, the reactions of both men and women, because our society is revved to the 9's in tension and unhealthy contraction.

The sadness is, that as women have adopted these roles to match our counter-part, to 'make it' in a man's world, we have lost our ability to be a source of balance, nourishment and nurturing that is so badly needed.  We lose our ability to reflect these qualities back to one another.  Even those of us who try so hard to be on a balanced path fall prey too easily once we leave the yoga class or leave the bliss of the massage table.  Many turn to the escape of the computer, FB, Twitter, etc. and see this as a vehicle for relaxation.  However, we are still engaging in a doing mode, we are not emptying out or nurturing ourselves.  We are simply distracting ourselves for the time being and not connecting to our deeper heart or Soul. 

It seems that if we are really to be able to shift the larger paradigm, we women must strive to find the moments of 'coming down' from the masculine high.  What is called for is the need to go within, dive within.  We need to find that ability to roll around and luxuriate in moments of non-doing, emptiness, quietude, our own sweetness.  Find the bliss of bubble baths, soothing music, or sitting under a favorite tree . . . without something that needs to be done in X amount of time.  

This shift begins with each of us as we find the courage to say 'no' to the paradigm that is non-sustainable to the wellness and Wholy-ness of our being.  I have found this to be a challenge myself, especially if I have been on a binge of proving, controlling, doing.  Think about how that mode of life feels in your body.  I know for me, I feel the chemicals coursing through my blood and brain.  It's like a drug! And it takes awhile to come down.  There was a time when it took a conscious effort to remind myself that it was OK to simply be quiet, be still and take care of myself, without feeling guilty.  I am so happy to say that old guilt has pretty much gone out the window! When I fall into this less familiar tendency these days, I can't wait to hit the cloud of 'beingness'. Increase my practice, soothe myself with some of my favorite music and gaze out the window ~ FOR HOURS OF COMPLETE EMPTINESS.  IT IS HEAVENLY!

Go ahead! Collapse into Her arms, Her embrace.

Allow the unsettling of letting go of the known.

Release the mind as you dive into the cavern of the heart.

Commit to the softening waves She send forth as you open to Her!

It is then I can be more present and open hearted with those close to me or those I encounter. It is in this re-newed balance that my creativity peaks.  It is in this spaciousness I am clearer about how important it is to treat myself with love and gentleness.  It is in this softness I am a better wife and friend.  It is once I have let go of going, doing, striving, that I know the connection to the Sacred within, in all of Life, and re-commit to strengthening that aspect.  It is in that reconnection, re-commitment, that my Trust and Faith increases. I am reminded I am truly not the one in control.  It is in this re-newing that my awareness and knowing takes another leap that the Divine Feminine is indeed alive and is tapping on many of our shoulders, calling us to Wake-Up.  Do our do consciously, gracefully, sometimes fiercely, and then LET GO and ride Her waves!

It is true we live a dance of the masculine and feminine. I stress the feminine side, the internal side, the dark side, the intuitive side and the Feminine fierce side of life because this is the road less traveled for most.  It is a path of riches, wisdom, beauty and peace.  It is too often turned away from because we like feeling revved. The rev is how we have come to define being alive.  But alas, the Divine Feminine teaches us of the Mystery life which is necessary to truly be Wholy enlivened!

Blessings on the path of the Divine Feminine!

Hear the Divine sing

Feel Her dance 

Be embraced by Her love

Through you ~

But first, one must drop within & surrender,

 in order to receive ~

Jai Ma!

blood flow blessings

October is here. Fall is here. Transition is here. My blood flow is here.      Somehow these all feel very intertwined for me at this juncture, though I am not sure why.  Perhaps it is that the inner pull of menstruation feels amplified, as we have entered the season of shedding. 

In my younger years, my cycles were very irregular.  I feel much of that was due to a very emotionally stressful life and other 'bad' habits that filled my days and nights.  I never felt very in-tune with that aspect of my body.  I have a close friend, who in our early 30's she complained about the strong desire to hide away from the world when her flow began and did not want to be around the male race.  Another friend endured cramps that had her in bed and in pain. Other friends experienced the 'big meanies' when PMS set in.  I on the other hand, had very few physical symptoms and since I was pretty moody to begin with, I only noticed a slight building in the moods ~ though my partners may have another version of that story!

It never occurred to me that there was a whole relationship to be cultivated with 'that time of the month', until I hit my 40's.  As my life became more balanced, my cycle followed suite. My sensitivity began increasing. My body began feeling. My moods were recognized more acutely sharpened.  Though on one hand, I wasn't pleased with the on-set of cramps, along with the tenderness, some water retention, and the eruptions screaming to come to the surface, something in my began to deepen.

I stumbled onto books, stories, hints of a new way to be with the time of bleeding, of cleansing.  There is a realness that I get in touch with when I bleed.  When I allow the time, I can feel that my mind isn't interested in 'thinking' or my personality is not interested in 'doing'.  Over the years, I do my best to heed the call to the inner.  What used to be called 'the curse' by some, is more of a blessing.  There is a natural quietude that settles in.  I feel like I can communicate more authentically, that I can remain more grounded, humble, reflective and receive guidance.

For me, when the river of blood runs, I appreciate the gentleness of being.  It has become painful when I see tampon ads and commercials with messages of disconnect from this time of honoring a deeper part of our woman-hood.  Instead of a time of rest, which allows the body to truly cleanse and balance, we are taught to continue on through our moon-time, as if it is only the sun-time which is important.

According to Ayurveda and Bri. Maya Tiwari in 'A Path of Practice,' "all disorders relating to the womb - premature puberty, irregular menstrual flow, premenstrual syndrome, infertility, vaginal infections, reproductive organ cancers are linked to the monthly cycle. As much as possible you should slow your pace, reduce activities so that your body receives the least degree of stress." She shares beautiful practices to align with the rhythm of the moon, gradually bringing our time of flow to coincide with the full moon.

It took me a long time to realize the value of bleeding.  Today the gifts of this inner connection sent me clear messages of diet change, an odd choice of tea to drink, and the reminder that the puzzlement of my thoughts keep me from 'doing' too much! Yet on the other side of that coin, I love to share when I am dropped into my core. I appreciate the realness from this place.  So I follow the musings that show themselves.  And like the fall, see more and more that needs to shed, to be transmuted.  I am grateful to the space I have learned to create for my self, nurturing, reflection and deeper listening. 

And now, some music, tea, and maybe a mid-morning  nap ~

Blessings ~

why meditate?

The popularity and practice of meditation is growing rapidly these days.  With more and more people finding the benefits of hatha yoga (the practice of physical postures), the natural next tier would be for a desire to move to the next internal level through meditation.  Though the science of meditation has been around for thousands of years in the East, we are still in the baby stages here in the West as to what meditation really means.  For many it can be a desire, yet daunting! We hear we are supposed to make our minds completely still and defeat seeps in before we actually begin to explore how true this statement is. 

Daunting as it may be, the pull for this practice in our collective consciousness continues to grow.  While we may be attracted to and enchanted with the doctrines of the East, most of us in the West aren't really convinced of the validity of many things until it has been approved by the mainstream medical establishment.

Here from the Mayo Clinic is an endorsement that could open up the willingness from most doubting-Thomas's:

"Meditation is considered a type of mind-body complementary medicine. Meditation produces a deep state of relaxation and tranquil mind . . . resulting in enhanced physical and emotional well-being."

Why meditate?  Here are some wonderful benefits that the Mayo Clinic has found to be substantial in both our emotional/mental and physical health:

Emotional Benefits:

New perspectives on stressful situations 

Skills to manage stress

Increase of self-awareness 

Ability to focus on the present 

Reduction of negative emotions

Illnesses Aided:

Allergies

Asthma

Addictions

Cancer Heart Disease

High Blood Pressure

Pain

Sleep Disorders 

"Yoga is the stilling of the modifications of the mind." 

Patanajali (the Father of Yoga, first to record yogic practices in 200 BC)

Does the mind really become completely stilled and quiet? Some would say "Yes" at least for moments, here and there.  But one very important thing to remember is, this is a practice.  An ongoing practice that will indeed show movements towards the stilling of the movements of thought.

Can we expect to get there from our first attempts? I would say we are setting ourselves up for a disappointment if we hold that expectation. 

Yogi Amrit Desai says this about meditation:

"Meditation is objective impersonal observation of whatever becomes the object of our awareness."

Clearly there is activity of thoughts, however, we learn to simply watch the thoughts without any attachment or engagement.

"Meditation is the development of non-judgemental witness which allows us to embrace opposites unconditionally."

Through practice we learn to not react to our thoughts, we don't have to label anything as 'good' or 'bad', that floats through the mind. We simply learn to watch and let go.

"Meditation takes us from the field of duality to the sacred state of unity and oneness."

We live in a world of separateness, me/you; good/bad; right/wrong; perceiving an inner lack/striving for completeness; etc. This consciousness causes suffering. When we are drawn inward, when we no longer attach to our thoughts as being true, a peacefulness rises from within. This is the experience of Unity and Oneness. Yoga literally means 'Union', 'Oneness', 'Yoking', 'Integration', 'Whole.' Meditation is the doorway and the hallway into the room of Union!

From this state, when we have removed our engagement from the thinking of the mind, and go the next step to consciously concentrate the mind, a new world opens up! Eventually if we dive into the practice often enough, these skills are strengthened. All along the way we simply feel better and better. Our life changes and we begin to change, regardless of whether we still have thoughts while sitting in meditation. In that knowing, we can let go of perfection and rest in the Peace that begins to reshape the rest of our health and life!

The spiritual component, the sacred awakening is quite individual.  It is there. If you are a seeker, you will be found. It will show itself, but this intention these days is not the sole focus, and that is ok.

There are many techniques in order to learn how to meditate. Some techniques work for some people, other techniques, for others.  When facilitating this process with clients, I offer a couple of different techniques based on their desire, constitution, etc. For those individuals carrying a heavy stress load and a very busy mind, I have found that the practice of Yoga Nidra, a guided meditation is quite helpful to ease them into their own meditation practice.

Why Meditate? I suppose each will have to come up with their own motivation and inspiration, if and when the time is right. The reasons and experiences truly, are vast and pointed; simple, yet profound; worldly and beyond! Personally, I have seen my life and other lives transformed, as the path of mediation was embarked upon. Therefor, I encourage, support and rejoice! 

If you feel a call to explore, Inner Journeys offers private sessions to help you on your way!

Peaceful Wishes ~

self-care/self-love

Wrap yourself in the cloak of peace. Settle into your own inner softness of being.  Open your heart to your own radiance.  Heal and nourish the scars of sorrow.  Soak in the truths you seek in the quietude.  Choose you first, to fill your reservoir of love for others.

How many times do you wait until your stress levels have peaked to the unbearable before you take a step toward self-nurturance? How long do you put off coping with heavy emotions, until finally they can not be dammed up any longer?  And how many areas of chronic tension are held in your body, inhibiting free  movement, deep sleep, and unfettered joy?

"All of us receive messages from our bodies regularly about what serves our health and well-being and what doesn't. Our bodies know immediately when we are doing something or even thinking of something that doesn't support us."

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Well, if you are like many of us, you wait until you can't put it off anymore! And then how many of you get the feel-good fix, only to turn your attention once again away from your own self-care?! There is an ease in ignoring what is good for us and a challenge in doing what is healing, healthy and nourishing.  For whatever reason for this upside-down perspective, it all to often seems to be the norm, unless we recognize it, remain conscious of it, and with a commitment to our well-being make a decision to take care of ourselves.  Self-care is really a way of communicating to ourselves that: 

"I matter. I love and respect myself. I value my health and well-being."

Recently I had a client/good friend who had been under tremendous stress.  Her life was in transition on all fronts. Her stress levels were running very high, she had numerous false stories running around her brain, and her body was holding layers of tension.  In the midst of her own turmoil, she was also trying to care-take for others in her life with her own empty tank.  She finally had made some time for a much needed session, only to feel the day before, that she was much to stressed and had so much to do, she needed to cancel.  As we talked on the phone, her voice cracking with near tears, I offered a couple of questions.

The answers to the questions allowed her a few moments to think clearer and realize what she really needed was the relaxation and decompressing of stress from the session she had scheduled.  During our time together, with some discussion about all the aspects of her life that were out of balance, a Yoga Nidra meditation and Reiki treatment, she found her footing again.  She gained clarity of the truth of her situation rather than being chased around unconsciously by her internal stories.  Her body relaxed, she had a good cry and she was able to get in touch with feelings she had been holding in.  She gained a deeper peace and clearer mind.  She was so happy she had decided to make time for the session, which in reality allowed her more spaciousness and a clearer sense of what really needed to take place and what could be let go of.

"In order to create health daily, long before illness ensues we need to pay attention to the subtle signals from our bodies about what feels good and what doesn't. . . aches and pains are common but subtle symptoms that often signal that it is time for us to start letting go of what we don't want in life and start using our own power to improve things."

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

This is in no way an isolated event.  Many of us often find ourselves in these circumstances. Self-care allows us to flow through our lives, not unaffected, but better able to cope with the effects of daily stress. For many of us, we need to learn that we deserve to take care of ourselves.  And further, that with self-care maintenance, our body, mind and heart is better served.  As we learn that we feel better, can manage stress and emotions better with a regular regimen of nurturing. We also find we can be more helpful to others and remain centered in our hearts.

When we learn to take care of ourselves, to love ourselves, we are then more available to love others in our lives. When we are harboring stress and contraction, the spaciousness that love needs to flow freely is cut off.  Relax, open, surrender, soften, expand, settle, and release into Self-Care and Self -Love.  You nor those around you will regret it! It's the best discipline we can develop! 

wild inspirations

Recently, I embarked once again on the enticing, soul stirring, inner voyage via Clarissa Pinkola Estes book, 'Woman Who Run With Wolves.'  I first encountered and devoured these stories in 1997, a time of great excitement and upheaval, both inwardly and outwardly.  I was traveling in the Life/Death/Life circle of life. Many aspects of that person were dying away, creating the sprouts of who I was to become.  I was seeing new light within and "re-visioning myself anew" for the first time, consciously! Many deaths and rebirths have occurred since and I indeed have Estes writings to thank for being a guide through the underworlds, which aren't nearly as scary as we tend to think. Clearly, since I felt the call to read these stories again, I recognize that the wheel of Life/Death/Life is turning, one more time for me and I will resurface from her words renewed and transformed!

"The deepest work is usually the darkest.  A brave woman, a wisening woman will develop the poorest psychic land, for if she builds only on the best of her psychic land, she will have for a view of herself, the least of what she is." Estes

During the years I have been seeing clients privately through Inner Journeys sessions, it has been witnessed that relaxation is foundational to opening.  There are secrets carried on the breath.  There are truths which surface with release. There is light and peace awaiting to be given space. There is beauty realized in the often held beliefs of our shadow.  Once opening begins, moving deeper can be experienced as a sacred gift given to the self.  When people come to see me, they are just seeking to feel better about something.

However, usually 'something' deeper, is touched that alerts clients to 'something' else that is stirring below their awareness.  This 'something' may be a grief that has not yet been given voice; repetitive mate choices which render turmoil; a heavy lethargy or depression they can not shake; unknown fears which grip; physical issues which can not be medically founded or disease which has taken root; or simply (which is not simple) living a lack-luster life without dreams or purpose.  I recognize them as myself and vice-verse, as we are all more similar than different, I believe.  I recognize in most of these cases that to feel our lives so completely and deeply, so honestly and authentically, requires bravery and as Estes writes about, that inner Wildness needs to be set free!

"So do not be afraid to investigate the worst. It only guarantees increase of soul power through fresh insights and opportunities for re-visioning one's life and self anew." Estes

All the modalities used in our sessions help to quiet the stories and make safe the mechanisms with which  have been unconsciously put into place in order to cope with life and have been of service. But sooner or later there must be growth or else we become our own captors of out dated coping skills.  This doesn't mean ones life is 'bad'.  We all develop coping skills as a part of being alive.  But as life moves bringing new experiences, we sometimes fall into a rut, or greater. There is a forgetfulness that there is a light trying to shine and a life re-birthed trying to live! Death and rebirth is a natural cycle, yet often times we find comfort in only sustaining a superficial comfort.  This actually inhibits our living fully, with our changing truths or authenticity.  But alas, to venture from comfort does mean that some kind of death must occur.  This is often a time of testing the point of readiness. Sometimes, for all of us, when faced with these forks in the road, we will take the road less traveled, into our own wildness.  Sometimes we have no choice, because our heart knows we can't continue on in the same way any longer. Sometimes, the familiar is chosen, until it can't be any more.

"Compliance causes a shocking realization that must be registered by all woman. That is, to be ourselves causes us to be exiled by many others, and yet to comply with what others want causes us to be exiled from ourselves." Estes

Though I mostly work with woman, I have found men too must go through their own breaking away and initiations as well.  Standing in authenticity seems to be both a soul-call, a deep desire and can bring the largest bundle of fear. There will be loss of some kind or another, yet this is where a new freedom and a new self is given flight!

"Sometimes a woman is afraid to be without security or without certainty, for even a short time.  She has more excuses than dogs have hairs. She must simply dive in and stand not knowing what will happen next.  It is the only thing which will retrieve her intuitive nature."    . . .    ". . . causes her to die to an old way of being and step with shivers into a new life, one which is based on an older, wiser kind of knowing." Estes

I have seen much bravery in myself and many others I have worked with. The blooming processes are beautiful! Just dipping the toe or foot in the water for some is the initial bravery needed, even if the high dive hasn't been approached yet.  The timing and readiness is not for me to say.  It is my call to be an usher for these journeys, yet I know not what preparatory measures are needed.  I stay awake and alert to signs if each individual and honor the path they travel.

As I revisit 'Women Who Run With Wolves' these many years later, I see clearly how her stories brought healing which I didn't even know I needed at the time. I see too, how Estes work has deeply influenced the way I approach my own life, the many deaths I surrender to while living this life, the quality of Wildness that expresses through me, and the gifts cultivated in order to be of service to others feeling the urge to break free!

For those feeling the call of your Wild intuitive nature, an Inner Journey must be taken ~ you are invited!

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