embracing aging & death consciously

This amazing Trevor Hall song, with complete lyrics on youtube, creates the tone for this blog entry.
Please give it a listen and allow yourself to be moved ~

Trevor Hall ~ House 

'that there is a road far beyond

far beyond the streets & the cars

far beyond the clouds & the stars

far beyond what we call God . . . 

well my body said just turn & run

but then I felt the light of the sun

in the heart that I thought had just died 

started coming slowly alive

we awoke in the mansion above 

and call it LOVE '

In part 2 of the Ram Dass video talk on my Inner Journeys Facebook page, he is sharing about conscious aging and conscious dying.  He has worked with death and dying for years and through his talk he is sharing that the suffering we all potentially face when we move into aging and death are far greater if we hold the perception of attachment to the body, the ego identity, and clinging to what was.  From his experience, this is what he says:

"I work with dying people all the time and those people who think they are their body are frightened.  But when I work with those people who are connected to Soul, they understand that the body is dying, but they are not identified with the body that is changing.  They enter the period of death and dying with equanimity."

He also expresses his belief that the time of becoming an elder is about consciously moving into the arena of exploring ourselves beyond the body and programmed mind. Sadly, one thing we can be sure of is that in mainstream society, support for conscious aging and dying is relatively slim. Even, as there is a progressive movement that sees the need for productive aging as a step in the right direction, which I also support, it is still externally focused.  There is still an expectation that we remain 'productive' and 'active' in the outside world.  The longer we can do this, then we are aging successfully.

It is so vital to stay healthy, engaged, being of service, living passionately, and learning at all stages.  In no way does the philosophy of conscious aging/dying need to negate this quality of life.  However, if we do not practice the inner connection, in conjunction, and listen inwardly to a deeper voice, we may only selling short our potential to bring a new depth and richness to our lives.  We may also be setting ourselves up for more fear, suffering, and pain as we encounter stages of decline.

To do inner work consciously it is important that we accept that aging an death are realities that are ahead of us. That we will face changes in our body, our looks, our stamina.  When our focus is honed on what is outside of us, how will we discover the riches within our beings?  How do we age and enter the arms of death gracefully and peacefully? How do we learn to experience that we are so much more expansive than our body allows us to be?

This is a responsibility that Ram Dass believes, lies in the process of aging.  We have to be the ones to choose consciously for ourselves, to explore beyond the realm of the tangible, the senses, the physical form.  Particularly individuals who hold more fear can be helped to live more fully, when they are not as fearful of aging and dying! 

All the mystical teachings, of all religions are preparing us for letting go into that which is greater than the personality we identify with.  Pieces of this process can happen naturally as we age.  When we see our elders letting go of preferences, when we witness them daydreaming peacefully, when we recognize they are sleeping more, when we hear them speak of loved ones who have died, appearing to them.  These are all phases of letting go. This is how consciousness begins to expand. Some will fight this, some family and loved ones will want them to keep them 'attached'.

Letting go is one of the lessons, if not the biggie in all of life!  We will either face surrender kicking and screaming, in pain and fear; or we will practice it as part of our life, embrace it with peace, joy and wonderment.  We each have to make these choices for ourselves.  Fortunately, there are so many paths, so many practices, spiritually focused or less spiritually focused, for each of us to explore to make our journey deep, rich, and joyful.

Conscious aging and dying is growing in momentum!  Many are desiring to make their last years not only full in the external world, but feel the desire to connect more deeply in ones internal world.  I am so thankful to be a part of that journey, for my own peace and for others.

You are invited!

opening deeper

Love.  This is the month of February, of Valentines Day, of the celebration of Love.  Actually it is the celebration of our experience of romantic love!  The bliss, the electricity, the giddiness and butterflies for 'the one'!  This love is full of excitement, the thrill of the unknown's of the person who has sparked us.  We feel the energy in the tummy, the preoccupation in the mind, the sexual charge that sometimes we confuse with the heart . . . and yes, we feel the beat quickening of the heart!  It is a safety zone of all is well, fabulous, fun and new! And indeed it is! The chemistry is literally fueling through our body. The cells, the brain, the hormones, the heart are all touched by this chemistry of 'love'.

I believe it is safe to say we have all experienced this at least once in our lives.  It hangs us on the edge of opening to another, opening to ourselves, and simultaneously dangles the fear of heartache that we imagine may be just around the corner!  One of my favorite teachers, Stephen Levine and his wife Ondrea, teach about healing into the death and dying process.  However, the work that they share is really about healing our fears, and inevitably opening the heart to whatever shows up.

Their teachings of remaining open in the face of fear, pain, dissolution at death, I find applicable in all area's of life.  Because it is about living in each moment more fully ~ no matter what!  As we move deeper into our relationships, particularly our romantic relationships, all of our fears are eventually brought to the surface.  It is then that the practices of staying present, connected with our emotions of vulnerability, insecurity, fear of loss, resistance to change, jealousy, etc. has the opportunity to heal these sensitive spots and bring us closer to our Beloved.

The challenge is staying present. Breathing. Allowing.  Just as we all have experienced the excitement and expectations of romance, we have just as assuredly felt these moments when the heart wants to clamp down from it's wide open spaciousness.  When the mind begins to run with stories of impending doom and the pain of heartache!  We want to blame, shame and protect our fragility in any way we can.  Our core issues of feeling less than, maybe unlovable, possibly the fatal loss, touch off a myriad of deeply buried stories that only 'love' has the power to exhume!

But such power comes forth from within us in these times of vulnerability. To stay present and watch. Keep breathing and feel fully the pain, the fear, the constriction. This is what opens the door of the heart even wider to a greater love.  This is a love that brings two lovers together, with deeper intimacy, clearer understanding and more compassion. These qualities extend to and through both lovers.  We are able to touch in the other, what they are truly needing and we are able to give these same qualities to ourselves.  Allowing without the stories of blame or how we think 'things should be', frees up space to experience 'how things really are'.  This in itself is expansive and begins to help us cultivate a deeper love for ourselves and our partner.  It cultivates compassion and gentleness for ourselves.  No matter which side of the coin our actions are on, it cultivates raising our consciousness.

I feel blessed to have walked the path of cultivating conscious relationships.  I feel blessed and empowered by the teachings of those who have walked before me and shared their experience.  One of the most important blessings in this life has been to have the skills to stay Present ~ Breathe ~ Allow.  The rewards have been a maturation process in how Love lives through me in my life, the moments of deep connection with my Beloved that have come through the moments of feeling most threatened,  and the bond that this forges.  

Thank God/Goddess for the spiritual tools I have been given and the ongoing practices that support my learning to open and heal at the heart level!  There is so much gratitude for the spark that brings us together, but for me the magic is most prominent in the consciousness it takes to deepen in relationship, consciously, with an ongoing expansiveness that comes through the intimacy that grows when the 'charge' subsides.  The fire that is kindled in its place which grows flames in a more powerful way!

It is the excitement of creating sacred relationship that thrills me. It is the intention to build and sustain a love that continues to open my heart to the fullest with my husband that calls from my soul.  I have trust that this will be our path together, if it is the will of the Universe.  The practicing of opening, healing, breathing and allowing in the present moment is the practice for Love, romantically, which I have the pleasure of watching as it spills over into all aspects of life!

Valentine Blessings for all ~ the gifts of Love which stem from surrendering always with an open heart into all that keeps us separated from our ability to live in Love.

A Conversation:

Connie:  I have a good friend who just got home last week from a retreat . . . she had some amazing epiphanies and now her whole life is in turmoil!

Me:  That's awesome! It sounds like an exciting time!

Connie:  (smirking at me) You just love it when people are miserable, don't you?

Me:  Not at all.  What I love is transformation in people's lives!  You misunderstand the enthusiasm. It's not because there is suffering, it's because transformation, deep change and new beginnings often are accompanied by hard times.

Connie:  Well, yeah. Her whole life is turned upside down, her relationships are struggling and she is feeling scared.

Me:  I hear ya.  I really do understand.  Life is telling her it's time to change, to evolve.  It is also communicating to all those she is in relationship with. It takes courage and trust to let go of what we know and jump into the unknown; to allow the fear and pain and dance with it! It's the evolution that is exciting! It's the freedom on the other side! It's the faith that is gained when we flow with all of Life's changes! That is what I love!

Connie: hmmm.

A Day Without  Fear 

by Byron Lindley

A day without fear

is to release the child 

who would guide our actions

decisions

knee jerk reactions

unconscious 

reflexes

instigated

and driven

by what we never see

because we don't look

take a peek

our fears

are deep

and even though

we don't normally feel 

them

for what they are

they pull our strings

unconscious behavior

is released

when we unveil our fears

and begin to see

how unfounded

they can be

the choice is ours

grow out of fear

release the child

stand in truth

stand in faith

stand in the shoes

of the adults we are

accept the perfection 

of all that is

which doesn't mean

acquiescence

in the face of injustice

but rather 

we have nothing to fear

because freedom within

is eternal

and clear

when we choose love

instead of fear

the promises enlightened

The Promises Enlightened . . .  Flowing Joy. Deepening Peace. Unbounded Enthusiasm. Faith and Trust. Love of Service. Fading of Ego. Enjoyment of the Play. Intuitive Soul Guidance. Surrender to the Unknown.

Twenty years ago upon entering the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous a poster or plaque of The Promises could be found, without fail.  These promises inspired a hope that one day those of us suffering would know a new happiness and freedom, that we would comprehend Serenity and gain interest in our fellows, losing interest in our selfish needs. We also heard that we would intuitively know how to handle situations that had once baffled us.  And most importantly, that we would realize that God was doing for us, what we could not do for ourselves.

The first five years of sobriety, I struggled with the concept of God, any belief, let alone the ability to say the word without some degree of resistance.  Through the next few years, a new awakening was upon me, one I couldn't deny. I worked the steps. I prayed. I did service work. I was not always game to look at my glaring defects of character, but Life does have a way of bringing them to our attention, regardless of how much we protest! I made my amends and over time I did less that I needed to make amends for. My load was lightening and I caught glimpses here and there of this new freedom and recognized a very slowly growing relationship with God, whose name I learned to use.  It was at around my ten year birthday, however that the spiritual path I had been stepping onto became golden.

The teachings of the yogic tradition deepened and broadened all that I had been practicing in AA.  When we practice the suggestions of those who have walked before us, we find great transformations that occur.  The shared teachings of self-examination; reflection; meditation; being of service; the courage to peel the layers of our onion, the Ego; and the discipline of habits, become a recipe for a rise in vibration!

"The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself."  

Anais Nin

Truth passes down through many expressions, where we may or may not expect to find it.  The Promises have manifested in my life in abundance and beyond.  I give credit to the ways in which all my experiences, teachers and vehicles for awakening have guided me into the magical existence, I call my life.  Gratitude abounds as I have tapped into the living Presence of that Force of many names.  

More and more of us are tapping into this Force and deepening into the paths that bring us into the Present Moment.  Whether it be through Yoga, prayer, meditation, Sacred Dance, Conscious Movement, Tai Chi, Qi Gong, selfless service, or Reiki.  The list goes on.  These actions bring us again and again into the Truth of who we really are, beyond the personality and ego identifications.

Many have experienced mere happiness blossom into Bliss; limitless flow of Inspiration; personal love transform into a Higher Love which is not based on a return. We feel energy increase and there is a palpable dance with the Divine that takes place.  These are some of what I call the Enlightened Promises!  These Promises are a result of our actions intended to align with a Truth beyond.  These actions or practices return us over and over, again and again to a clear state of recognizing and remembering that each of us can touch the part within, that is Complete Wholeness and  Nameless, pure essence and Love.

It is through honoring my 'progress not perfection' and allowing for my perfect imperfections of this human experience.  These imperfections are not my enemies, but my teachers.  Once we enter this journey, we realize through our experience the impermanence of even our darkest aspects and moments, which are opportunities for deeper knowledge and purification.  With this knowledge, we can meet these moments with a clear present under current of Joy, Peace and Compassion. 

This under current is a thread of gold, which I have experienced as it has grown and expanded within, regardless of what I have met on my path thus far. For me, this thread of ever present gold, is of divine nature.  The qualities are an embodiment of the Promises in their fullest splendor.  Some of you understand exactly what I am saying, some of you may not.  The invitation then, if you are not connected to these Promises, is to step onto the path and keep practicing.  Join the rising vibration by stepping up, awakening up, open up and surrender up!  These Promises Enlightened are lived by a growing number and giving birth to a greater Love. 

When I got sober, I just wanted to be comfortable.  I thought that was happiness. God certainly has guided me into a life I could not have even imagined at the time.  There is nothing about what I have learned that was on my radar.  I am grateful I persevered, that I had the courage to keep letting go, and that I found the necessary teachers at each stage in this 'play' to show me the way.

My prayer for us all is to experience the Promises Enlightened manifesting within our hearts & lives!

In Deep Peace ~ Lotus

coming out of the closet

It is the week of national coming out day and the full moon tonight.  I have been feeling a restlessness during my time of integration. Sometimes one never knows what will surface as we sink into our own little cocoon to let our inner world settle.  Coupled with my own internal restlessness, has also been  mounting inspiration for the times we are in.  It is in fact these inspirations, these times and the encouragement I feel from it all that has rustled my feathers in order to help me see the closet I have been hiding in.

For me, hiding in a closet has had a way of effecting the authenticity of my relationships and my work.  I have experienced it to have a direct influence on my energy, health and happiness.  Perhaps we have all experienced this when we are  not yet ready to reveal ourselves more completely.

The little 'secret' has only been known most fully to my husband and to the degree's needed with clients.  Even those who I know hold the same 'secret', I still find myself holding it, oh so close to the heart, only alluding to the aspects of what we have in our common experiences.  But at some point secrets must be set free. The wisdom, honesty and vulnerability of Anais Nin has crept back into my life again after almost 30 years.  Her famous quote has found it's truth resonating within and it's time has come for this one!

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

I have been gathering courage and excitement from the evidence of the shift in consciousness, the awakening happening all around us and the myriad of expressions it is taking! More and more movies, documentaries, music and television are mirroring the entrance into the realm of energy, spirituality and expanded consciousness.  There is a movement afoot and we are all a part of this!

For over a decade I have been traversing my own awakening process, some refer to it as a Kundalini awakening.  Within this private part of my life, I have been led into periods of being a recluse and very internal, as well as balancing that with an outer life.  There have been gaps in friendships and family relationships since I did not know how to communicate what was happening within me. Most of these relationships have found  reunion after periods of 'stabilization' for me.  There has been much continued cryptic communication, as rational language does not always due the realm of mysticism justice.  And at times, some things are just better left unsaid. 

As I have moved through these years, while I have my guru and my teachers, what continues to deepen this ones understanding, purify, and raise the consciousness, is the Presence of the Divine Mother.  I find Her growing within at a steadier pace.  The heart is softening and expanding, as the mind releases it's attachments.  While ego, still very much at play and the continued practice of self-study always at hand, transformation takes place over and over, death and rebirth, death and rebirth.


This is not isolated to just a few of us.  Many today have these transformational cycles occurring in their lives, though it may not express itself identically for all. Consciousness is rising on this planet and we each have a part to play.  Though we don't know how all of this will play out, there is little doubt that something is amiss.  Most all of the spiritual traditions speak of this time, in their own prophecies, their own language, from the perspective of their own culture.  


When I received shaktipat initiation from my spiritual father, my guru, I had no idea what it was, let alone what was ahead. Although I was initiated into the yogic path of surrender,the pathless path, or a depth practice, as my spiritual grandfather calls it, I have been guided to also explore other traditions, namely early (esoteric) Christianity.  My connection to both Jesus and Mary Magdalene, led me to the Essenes.  This is how Byron and I ended up in Tucson, AZ. The Tree of Life's teachings did not integrate Jesus and Magdalene in the way I had expected, however, rich learning of Judaism at the Tree continued to show the spaces of unity in all the paths I had been called to follow.  They all teach of this Divine Feminine force most plainly taught through yoga, as Shakti Kundalini or Divine Mother.  It is of wide belief that this is the time of the Divine Feminine powers coming to heal one another and our planet, to raise consciousness and bring the power of transformation! 


I have hit a road block in myself, the work I am here to do and in my relationships because I have not been willing to 'come out'.  Coming out for me, doesn't require full disclosure of details, nor a need of ego labeling myself in any way, nor to try to say I am anywhere near the big 'There'.  Because I certainly am not.  However, I do feel a need to be more honest about the this journey that continues to lead me closer to God, Goddess, the Self . . . and that for this one's path, being a vehicle for the Presence of Divine Mother, in whatever way it shows up, is part of the service I am here for.  I know others who walk this same road, She flows through them.  There may or may not be reference to that, but it is integrated into their world and for me, She has been locked in a closet.  


There has been disclosure with clients simply because this awakening in them occurs during our work together.  In the early days, it took maybe a month or two to see that this force was activated in them.  Now it is a matter of one session.  In fact, it is a testament to our times, not to this vehicle really, because, many people are already awakened.  They either do not know it or they don't know how to surrender into the unfolding.  This is a sign of these times!  We all have the opportunity to open and receive, but the question is:
"Are you really ready?" as David Life says.


For this to continue to fill me, to evolve me, to teach me ( I use 'me' loosely, always), I have to relinquish yet more control as to where and when I 'allow' this Presence to be present.  It is no longer comfortable for me to subdue or repress Her flow.  It has stopped making sense.  Yet, no doubt I will still go through a process of letting go!  

The path I walk is one of deep, ongoing, surrender and transformation.  This is what I am here to serve in others who are really ready and willing to do the inner work.  I am in service to Maa, to the spiritual evolution within us and the planet.  I am thrilled to be a part of the communities who all in their own way, voice, dharma are joining together for this amazing time!  Thanks for being on the journey with me ~ 
Love & Peace ~


Jia Maa ~

integration

 "We do not grow absolutely, chronologically.  We grow sometimes in one dimension and not in another; unevenly.

We grow partially. We are relative.  We are mature in one realm, childish in another.

The past, present and future all mingle and pull us backward, forward or fix us in the present.

We are made of layers, cells, constellations. "

Anais Nin

The whirlwinds of the season's has brought us into fall.  I feel the value of finding time to integrate now that I have a new home to nest in.  All transition brings different levels of insight and an invitation into new ways of being.

Relocating to a new city, a new life, has been no small task for me.   Especially when much of it involves the unknown, pushing edges of comfort and new relationships, in both living and work environments.  It seems for the past 5 months, any schedule I have had has been disrupted.  From sleep, diet, exercise, meditation, keeping up with projects and phone calls to loved ones!

Now that we have moved into the new abode, I find my body and mind still need some down time periodically in between the new opportunities for work and getting back to my writing.  The messages come through the body, asking for a nap here and there.  Or maybe craving a new kind of nourishing food.  The enjoyment of simply reading for fun and the desire to watch an extra movie or two.  My past experience with this sort of integration has given me the confidence that my focus will return.  I don't have to rush it or push it.  When I do that, the action is dull and unfocused; the outcome muddled; the satisfaction fragmented.

It is one more opportunity to practice releasing the desire of ego to do, to prove, to create something simply for the sense of feeling busy.  This is what I came up against today.  I had my list prepared of what is in front of me to accomplish, however, this is what felt 'right & true' in the moment.  Writing about this integration time.  Acknowledging it and following the flow of what the moment called for.  Just one more way to practice being in the realm of the feminine, her waters of nourishment and intuition and trust.

So, I hope you enjoy the new 'look' of the Inner Journeys blog and this short and sweet post.
Of course, more will come later as settling in occurs on all levels.  As I was perusing quotes yesterday, I cam upon some by Anais Nin and remembered how much I appreciated her insights years ago.  Her quote above felt particularly resonant for me today.