power of alignment

As I have been introducing the Yamas and Niyamas as part of the Inner Journeys Newsletter, new lessons have been ushered in, bringing all of my awareness to gain deeper experiential lessons.

The second Yama, Satya which I have been internalizing speaks of non-lying, and the many expressions that rise from the intention. An easy way to be present with this is asking ourselves questions like: Am I feeling, thinking, being and expressing all the same sentiment? Are all of these rowers in agreement with one another or am I misrepresenting something about myself to appear 'acceptable' to someone else? When we begin practicing these principles in our lives, change and transformation can not help but occur. And, we begin to see where one yama becomes a part of the next and the whole.

Two experiences just in the last 2 weeks have given me different insights. My husbands parents, aunt and uncle were here in Tucson for a visit. One evening out for dinner, a heated discussion erupted. While the topic is one of passion for my husband and I, we stayed true to speaking what we truly believe and feel, therefore, we were in alignment of our truth. Meaning that we were expressing outwardly what we think, feel, and how we live our life concerning this topic of dispute. Satya ~ non-lying was being expressed through us both. However, the catch for this particular example, was that because the conversation 'erupted', I can't say I felt very grounded. Instead I was coming from a place of reactivity and NOT in alignment with the yama, from last month, Ahimsa ~ non-violence. My energy was hot, my tone was sharp. I was lacking the compassion and non-attachment that I would have preferred to breath into, had I not been in reaction! So while Satya was present, I was still disconnected with an inner, deeper Truth, that I know to be. I became blinded to who I really am and who the 'other' really was. I felt wired and a bit exhausted over the next day, mixed with sadness regarding the capacity I have to attack another, even if it is with only words and tone. I have learned from experience that these are in fact powerful tools of energetic violence. It continued to illustrate to me that these practices have the power to take us deeper into our own tendencies, shadows and Light!

The next lesson has been creeping along over this last month and culminating in a leap of faith, change of life decision. This change has been more challenging in that I have been both going about it as consciously as possible, choosing to marry the intellect/rational part of my being with the intuitive/deep desire & faith part of my being.

One thing I have learned over and over about the path of Transformation, is that it is not often neat and tidy! It can disrupt the flow, plans, needs of others. In past
chapters of my life, I was always afraid to rock the boat or bring discomfort to others. Somehow it was easier for me to be suffering in silence. Over many years of learning to honor my truth, my needs and recognizing that change can't take place if I am locked in to any box, it is still challenging for me to create rifts by taking care of myself! The addition to this lesson, is that while I honor my own journey, it remains important to be conscious, considerate and communicative with those relationships that are touched by what is happening in my sphere. I can try to walk gently and compassionately as I break out of my personal boxes.

In terms of Satya, when we are not alignment with what is true for us, our energy, our life force can become depressed, ill, scattered, anxious, angry etc. In essence we are holding ourselves back, for whatever reasons from the next phase of our growth, our evolution, our transformation! It is these changes that help us be in the world to our very fullest, brightest capacity!

For awhile now, I have known the next direction to moved into. I have also had very real world practicalities to take into account. As I moved through those reality checks, I also kept coming up against internal stories and beliefs based on fear and insecurity. When that tended to be the largest factor holding me bound and stuck, I realized a break out had to occur! Faith and Trust in the aid of the Universe had to be relied on! Once I made the decision to basically free fall, surrendering into the arms of the Divine, something deep within shifted and the fears fell away.

Fortunately I have had many experiences of surrendering into this Great Trust, therefore, when I finally let go, it isn't nearly as frightening any more. I have been held, supported and guided into the perfection of what needs to be. These experiences have formed my foundation. When I let go of needing to be in control, to plan the time, place and way I think things should go, the Divine steps in.

There have been the blessings showered once again. There is a very clear shift in my energy when this happens. I receive more of it for one. In this alignment a deep sense of security centers me. Inspiration, enthusiasm and confidence bloom. New opportunities come knocking at the door. The most remarkable part of this is that really nothing has in the physical world has changed, but everything within has altered: perceptions, release of stories, Peace & Joy flow, inner strength - not based on ego, but the knowing I am in relationship and co-creating with a Higher Source!

In coming into Satya, non-lying - Truth, we become integrated, we become whole, we become beacons for receiving our Highest Good. That may mean new lessons will approach, causing us to make more adjustments or may seem like challenges. Yet we are always being wafted upward within ourselves, our Brilliance, our Light!

I continue to feel so blessed by the life I have been given to lead, the service I am able to provide, the relationships I am able to learn from and deepen, and most of all to the ever growing, ever present Presence of the Sacred, the Divine.

For sure, more will be revealed, which is what makes this life such an adventure. Never knowing what comes around the next bend, helps me to stay awake, alert, and in love with what is!!

I would love to hear any experiences of your own Transformational processes! I love to learn form the path others walk, as much as I love to support others with my own journey!

Deep Peace~

fumbling through emotions & Ahimsa

In the last newsletter, for January, I offered up the focus for the month and personal practice for any interested, as Ahimsa or non-violence. Ahimsa is one of the primary Observances, which is part of the foundation of the yogic spiritual path. When we hold the consciousness of Ahimsa/non-violence, we strive to see through the heart, with the qualities of love, acceptance, tolerance, kindness, consideration and non-judgment.

On good days, well, it is at least more accessible to my awareness. However, it is when these practices are put to the test, that we are really in the fire. When Life brings about the challenge of staying clear and above the reactive(and in many ways natural)emotions that lead us anywhere but into the qualities of Ahimsa.

Here in Tucson, Arizona, as deaths and injuries took place last week, I have been fumbling through the emotions of reactive anger, sadness, powerlessness etc. and found it ever so appropriate to have had this focus in the forefront of awareness.

I have purposefully stayed on the sidelines of all the reports, news, discussions and opinions, witnessing my own process. I know that many buttons of mine, were ripe and ready to be pushed and to cast judgment about what I believe to be right and wrong. The sadness is easy enough for me to feel, the grief for those who's lives lost and the lives that were changed dramatically by the shooting. The loss, is an easy place for me to go and experience the hurt. These are not my personal buttons that bring to me to my knees in reactivity.

The issues being raised as a result of this event are some of my button pushers. The issues of guns,the issues of blame, the issues of 'crazy', the issues of responsibility. These are my hot buttons. My belief that what I believe is right and the fact that I can't understand how it could not be by 'them', gets me feeling 'crazy'. The feelings of judgment, self-righteousness and anger, are not ways in which I want to feel inside. Heat fills the body, the heart beats faster, my voice gets louder and sharper, constriction sets in. That is not a state of consciousness or energy that is healthy for me. And yet, in some ways, I am that which I condemn. That reflection, even if it is only a brief presence in my inner world, is really painful. And then I reach a place of sadness for those who live on that energy, who cultivate it unconsciously. I feel sadness for those who don't have the tools that I am reminded to be grateful for, to enable me navigate this emotional terrain.

It is times like these, that even if I am not 'acting out' in violence, I can still experience all the energies that walk hand in hand with violence. I can't deny their presence, I can only examine, feel, acknowledge and hopefully unwind what I find in my own darkness. I trust the heart to hold the light, as I allow these buttons to be pushed, even as my own anger spouts forth from my mouth, or the tone I impart is full of righteousness. I don't expect myself to swim these waters with perfection, yet I am really blessed to have communities of others, with whom, we put these practices to work when the times demand. And this has been one of those times.

I can't help but dream of a time when more people learn to understand their own inner world of emotions, pains and wounds; when we have support to feel and express whatever we are feeling, in a safe and seen way; when we can transform our own demons with love and compassion, that the violence in our world will begin to be transformed. It feels idealistic, yet just imagine if this were taught in schools, if non-violent communication was was an integral part of our education, and if we were shown how to be present with our emotions from a very young age, the next generation would be able to create a more holistically healthy society.

If we understood ourselves in these ways, had places to express what needed to be expressed, perhaps we wouldn't feel the need for the guns we fight to have rights for. Perhaps we wouldn't become isolated and lost in violent entertainment and video games. Perhaps we would feel safe in our own skin and in the company of others fellow human beings, rather than fearful. Perhaps our wounds wouldn't lead us to act out and be labeled 'crazy'. Perhaps we wouldn't need so many medications in order to feel 'normal', or more important to feel nothing, because what we feel inside hurts so bad. Perhaps we wouldn't have as much illness and addictions. Perhaps we wouldn't hide away in the virtual world of technology. Perhaps we wouldn't have power hungry individuals running our companies, harming our world, because of untended hurts or emotional starvation. The list of perhaps's could go on, I am sure we all have our own knowings of this overarching affliction of feeling alienated from ourselves, let alone others. If we don't recognize the pain we carry, no matter how big or small, it will get our attention, one way or another.

In these moments, it feels like so many of the things we fight for or against, could at least find some solace, if we really learned to understand what makes us tick. But that can't come from out there, it is first found in here. If we are at peace within, we will not make war out there. From this place our communications can find truth and integrity.

It is certainly a tall order. But it isn't a surprise that 'swadhyaya' or self-study, introspection, self-inquiry or Know Thyself, is a spiritual tenant. One that reaches across all religious boundaries and beyond as a necessity for human harmony.

The lessons of Ahmisa will continue on and I can only pray, to keep burning away what does not serve it's presence within.

Peaceful Wishes to All~