In the last newsletter, for January, I offered up the focus for the month and personal practice for any interested, as Ahimsa or non-violence. Ahimsa is one of the primary Observances, which is part of the foundation of the yogic spiritual path. When we hold the consciousness of Ahimsa/non-violence, we strive to see through the heart, with the qualities of love, acceptance, tolerance, kindness, consideration and non-judgment.
On good days, well, it is at least more accessible to my awareness. However, it is when these practices are put to the test, that we are really in the fire. When Life brings about the challenge of staying clear and above the reactive(and in many ways natural)emotions that lead us anywhere but into the qualities of Ahimsa.
Here in Tucson, Arizona, as deaths and injuries took place last week, I have been fumbling through the emotions of reactive anger, sadness, powerlessness etc. and found it ever so appropriate to have had this focus in the forefront of awareness.
I have purposefully stayed on the sidelines of all the reports, news, discussions and opinions, witnessing my own process. I know that many buttons of mine, were ripe and ready to be pushed and to cast judgment about what I believe to be right and wrong. The sadness is easy enough for me to feel, the grief for those who's lives lost and the lives that were changed dramatically by the shooting. The loss, is an easy place for me to go and experience the hurt. These are not my personal buttons that bring to me to my knees in reactivity.
The issues being raised as a result of this event are some of my button pushers. The issues of guns,the issues of blame, the issues of 'crazy', the issues of responsibility. These are my hot buttons. My belief that what I believe is right and the fact that I can't understand how it could not be by 'them', gets me feeling 'crazy'. The feelings of judgment, self-righteousness and anger, are not ways in which I want to feel inside. Heat fills the body, the heart beats faster, my voice gets louder and sharper, constriction sets in. That is not a state of consciousness or energy that is healthy for me. And yet, in some ways, I am that which I condemn. That reflection, even if it is only a brief presence in my inner world, is really painful. And then I reach a place of sadness for those who live on that energy, who cultivate it unconsciously. I feel sadness for those who don't have the tools that I am reminded to be grateful for, to enable me navigate this emotional terrain.
It is times like these, that even if I am not 'acting out' in violence, I can still experience all the energies that walk hand in hand with violence. I can't deny their presence, I can only examine, feel, acknowledge and hopefully unwind what I find in my own darkness. I trust the heart to hold the light, as I allow these buttons to be pushed, even as my own anger spouts forth from my mouth, or the tone I impart is full of righteousness. I don't expect myself to swim these waters with perfection, yet I am really blessed to have communities of others, with whom, we put these practices to work when the times demand. And this has been one of those times.
I can't help but dream of a time when more people learn to understand their own inner world of emotions, pains and wounds; when we have support to feel and express whatever we are feeling, in a safe and seen way; when we can transform our own demons with love and compassion, that the violence in our world will begin to be transformed. It feels idealistic, yet just imagine if this were taught in schools, if non-violent communication was was an integral part of our education, and if we were shown how to be present with our emotions from a very young age, the next generation would be able to create a more holistically healthy society.
If we understood ourselves in these ways, had places to express what needed to be expressed, perhaps we wouldn't feel the need for the guns we fight to have rights for. Perhaps we wouldn't become isolated and lost in violent entertainment and video games. Perhaps we would feel safe in our own skin and in the company of others fellow human beings, rather than fearful. Perhaps our wounds wouldn't lead us to act out and be labeled 'crazy'. Perhaps we wouldn't need so many medications in order to feel 'normal', or more important to feel nothing, because what we feel inside hurts so bad. Perhaps we wouldn't have as much illness and addictions. Perhaps we wouldn't hide away in the virtual world of technology. Perhaps we wouldn't have power hungry individuals running our companies, harming our world, because of untended hurts or emotional starvation. The list of perhaps's could go on, I am sure we all have our own knowings of this overarching affliction of feeling alienated from ourselves, let alone others. If we don't recognize the pain we carry, no matter how big or small, it will get our attention, one way or another.
In these moments, it feels like so many of the things we fight for or against, could at least find some solace, if we really learned to understand what makes us tick. But that can't come from out there, it is first found in here. If we are at peace within, we will not make war out there. From this place our communications can find truth and integrity.
It is certainly a tall order. But it isn't a surprise that 'swadhyaya' or self-study, introspection, self-inquiry or Know Thyself, is a spiritual tenant. One that reaches across all religious boundaries and beyond as a necessity for human harmony.
The lessons of Ahmisa will continue on and I can only pray, to keep burning away what does not serve it's presence within.
Peaceful Wishes to All~
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