For me, hiding in a closet has had a way of effecting the authenticity of my relationships and my work. I have experienced it to have a direct influence on my energy, health and happiness. Perhaps we have all experienced this when we are not yet ready to reveal ourselves more completely.
The little 'secret' has only been known most fully to my husband and to the degree's needed with clients. Even those who I know hold the same 'secret', I still find myself holding it, oh so close to the heart, only alluding to the aspects of what we have in our common experiences. But at some point secrets must be set free. The wisdom, honesty and vulnerability of Anais Nin has crept back into my life again after almost 30 years. Her famous quote has found it's truth resonating within and it's time has come for this one!
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."
I have been gathering courage and excitement from the evidence of the shift in consciousness, the awakening happening all around us and the myriad of expressions it is taking! More and more movies, documentaries, music and television are mirroring the entrance into the realm of energy, spirituality and expanded consciousness. There is a movement afoot and we are all a part of this!
For over a decade I have been traversing my own awakening process, some refer to it as a Kundalini awakening. Within this private part of my life, I have been led into periods of being a recluse and very internal, as well as balancing that with an outer life. There have been gaps in friendships and family relationships since I did not know how to communicate what was happening within me. Most of these relationships have found reunion after periods of 'stabilization' for me. There has been much continued cryptic communication, as rational language does not always due the realm of mysticism justice. And at times, some things are just better left unsaid.
As I have moved through these years, while I have my guru and my teachers, what continues to deepen this ones understanding, purify, and raise the consciousness, is the Presence of the Divine Mother. I find Her growing within at a steadier pace. The heart is softening and expanding, as the mind releases it's attachments. While ego, still very much at play and the continued practice of self-study always at hand, transformation takes place over and over, death and rebirth, death and rebirth.
This is not isolated to just a few of us. Many today have these transformational cycles occurring in their lives, though it may not express itself identically for all. Consciousness is rising on this planet and we each have a part to play. Though we don't know how all of this will play out, there is little doubt that something is amiss. Most all of the spiritual traditions speak of this time, in their own prophecies, their own language, from the perspective of their own culture.
When I received shaktipat initiation from my spiritual father, my guru, I had no idea what it was, let alone what was ahead. Although I was initiated into the yogic path of surrender,the pathless path, or a depth practice, as my spiritual grandfather calls it, I have been guided to also explore other traditions, namely early (esoteric) Christianity. My connection to both Jesus and Mary Magdalene, led me to the Essenes. This is how Byron and I ended up in Tucson, AZ. The Tree of Life's teachings did not integrate Jesus and Magdalene in the way I had expected, however, rich learning of Judaism at the Tree continued to show the spaces of unity in all the paths I had been called to follow. They all teach of this Divine Feminine force most plainly taught through yoga, as Shakti Kundalini or Divine Mother. It is of wide belief that this is the time of the Divine Feminine powers coming to heal one another and our planet, to raise consciousness and bring the power of transformation!
I have hit a road block in myself, the work I am here to do and in my relationships because I have not been willing to 'come out'. Coming out for me, doesn't require full disclosure of details, nor a need of ego labeling myself in any way, nor to try to say I am anywhere near the big 'There'. Because I certainly am not. However, I do feel a need to be more honest about the this journey that continues to lead me closer to God, Goddess, the Self . . . and that for this one's path, being a vehicle for the Presence of Divine Mother, in whatever way it shows up, is part of the service I am here for. I know others who walk this same road, She flows through them. There may or may not be reference to that, but it is integrated into their world and for me, She has been locked in a closet.
There has been disclosure with clients simply because this awakening in them occurs during our work together. In the early days, it took maybe a month or two to see that this force was activated in them. Now it is a matter of one session. In fact, it is a testament to our times, not to this vehicle really, because, many people are already awakened. They either do not know it or they don't know how to surrender into the unfolding. This is a sign of these times! We all have the opportunity to open and receive, but the question is:
"Are you really ready?" as David Life says.
For this to continue to fill me, to evolve me, to teach me ( I use 'me' loosely, always), I have to relinquish yet more control as to where and when I 'allow' this Presence to be present. It is no longer comfortable for me to subdue or repress Her flow. It has stopped making sense. Yet, no doubt I will still go through a process of letting go!
The path I walk is one of deep, ongoing, surrender and transformation. This is what I am here to serve in others who are really ready and willing to do the inner work. I am in service to Maa, to the spiritual evolution within us and the planet. I am thrilled to be a part of the communities who all in their own way, voice, dharma are joining together for this amazing time! Thanks for being on the journey with me ~
Love & Peace ~
Jia Maa ~
